Candid Memoir

"What am I doing getting out of bed so early on a Sunday morning?!" I said to myself as I sat on my bed. I set my alarm for 3 am the night before to have enough time to travel to Central London. I wanted to see the sun rise over Buckingham Palace, and I wondered whether to go back to sleep.

I changed the direction of my travel channel to sunrise and sunset walking tours instead of vlogs. I don't regret it, but it doesn't mean getting out of bed first thing in the morning became easier, especially in summer. The sun rises at 4 am and doesn't set until 10 pm, which means I have to go out either very early in the morning or late in the evening.

There are no trains at that time, and it would take a little over an hour to get to Buckingham Palace. I quietly walked into the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee before heading out. Everyone was still asleep, and I tried moving around as quietly as possible.

I've never wondered what Buckingham Palace looked like at sunrise before starting my walking videos, although I was reluctant to go out at such an hour. I was looking forward to seeing the sun rise over London, especially Buckingham Palace and St James's Park!

Cardinal Place, Victoria Station

Victoria Station At Dawn

It took an hour on a quiet Sunday morning to go from South London to Victoria Station by bus. It can take up to 2 hours during rush hour, and 30 minutes by train. The train and tube are the best ways to get around London, but there's a lot of service disruption, and they don't start until later on Sundays.

For anyone planning to visit London, make sure to book accommodation in Central London if you don't want to spend most of your stay commuting. It won't be cheap, but considering the cost of transport and commute time, it will be worth it.

After getting off the bus, I walked through Cardinal Place, a shopping centre in Victoria Station. It's one of my favourite routes to get to Buckingham Palace. Victoria Station is a good starting point for a fun day out in Westminster. There are many restaurants where you can grab breakfast or lunch before going on a little exploration, as mentioned in a previous post, London At Sunset: Westminster.

Victoria Station and Green Park are the nearest train stations to Buckingham Palace, but I would recommend Victoria Station as it is the closest. Cardinal Place is 5 minutes away from Buckingham Palace and 15 minutes away from Westminster Abbey and Parliament Square, or Big Ben if you prefer.

Once I was in Cardinal Place, I turned left at the escalator, went straight until the end of the road and then turned right. Buckingham Palace came into view after a few steps. I'll never get tired of the scene, even though I've seen it countless times. It was even better on a quiet Sunday morning; the roads were empty apart from some joggers and a few passing cars.

Buckingham Palace at dawn

The Sun On Buckingham Palace

As I got closer to the palace, I couldn't help but notice how breathtaking Queen Victoria Memorial was at dawn. But I didn't choose the right time to visit; there were still traces of the Commonwealth event from the day before. Everything was closed off, and I couldn't move around as much as I wanted; the photos taken weren't aesthetically pleasing.

London always gets busy in the summer, and many events take place all over the city, which can be both fun and inconvenient. I ran into a couple of tourists taking photos at the Queen Victoria Memorial and couldn't help but smile. It was a smart move to get out of bed for early-morning sightseeing.

Buckingham Palace is always included in London's itinerary, especially for a first visit. And since most people on holiday don't wake up early, the place is always packed later in the day, making it hard to take a good photo without random people in the background.

Although I live here, I always prefer to visit touristy places at dawn or late in the evening when it isn't too crowded. For me, it's the best time to fully appreciate London's beauty, and moreover, I don't have to deal with tourists and rude Londoners. I just don't like being in crowded places, and yes, Londoners live up to their reputation.

After admiring Buckingham Palace in the morning sun, I turned around and walked up the stairs to the memorial. When I brought my daughters to London in 2021, the monument was closed for repairs, and they didn't get to see it up close. I can't wait to take them on a tour when they visit. The calming sound of the water fountain made me feel at peace, and I smiled at the giggling ladies taking photos.

Flags and colourful flowers

Flags & Summer Flowers

I walked down the stairs on the side of the memorial facing The Mall. There were steel barriers all around, but it still looked beautiful, especially with the flags blowing in the wind. I went back up the stairs and walked to the farther left side of the memorial to look at the flowers near Green Park.

I only found out last year that the park on the other side of Buckingham Palace is Green Park. I used to think it was part of Hyde Park Corner, and I visited the park for the first time when I went to a Japanese festival in Trafalgar Square last September.

My first trip to London was in the spring of 2007. I stayed for a few months and even studied for a while before leaving, and all this time, I didn't know there was a park called Green Park near Buckingham Palace. That's the thing about life in a big city like London: you won't see or know everything unless you're told or specifically look for it.

The gardens around the palace are absolutely gorgeous. The London Eye and Big Ben can be seen on the other side of the memorial as shown in the photo above. London Eye can be seen in many parts of London if you look closely enough, and I love it. I usually look out for it whenever I go out, especially in Central London, and it's even more visible at night due to its blue lights.

Watching the sun shine over St James' Park is one of the most beautiful scenes you'll see in London. It looked like it came out of a painting with rays of the sun through the clouds, the lake, the plants, the Horse Guards clock tower, and finally London Eye. I would love to see a painting of this scenery!

Beautiful scenery at St James' Park

The Royal St James Park

After taking in the scenery at Queen Victoria Memorial, I walked back towards Buckingham Palace to go to Green Park, but there were still barriers and tents all over the place. So I turned right at the traffic lights to head to St James's Park instead. I wanted to visit both parks and take some photos, but there isn't much to see in Green Park, and St James's Park is actually more beautiful with its lake, wildlife, flowers and landscape.

I crossed the traffic lights at The Mall and walked towards the park. At the entrance, there is information about the changing of the guards. I went to one on a Sunday last summer, and it was so packed I left, so I'm planning to go again on a weekday.

St James's Park isn't one of my favourite parks in London; I actually prefer Greenwich Park, but it's a beautiful park. Everything about it reminds you that it was "designed" for the royal family; it's one of the few parks in London that has pelicans. There are also swans and geese, but pelicans aren't commonly found in parks.

So if you're planning to visit, make sure to take a few photos of the birds by the water stream; they look majestic. The wildlife is used to visitors and roams freely; be mindful and watch your steps. This is actually one of the reasons I prefer Greenwich Park: the chances of stepping on a baby duck are low.

St James' Park is a few minutes' walk away from Trafalgar Square, the Horse Guards, Big Ben, and Westminster Abby. Its location makes it a good spot for a short break between landmarks. You can enjoy the beautiful scenery while resting your feet, and taking a photo on the small bridge is a must for anyone visiting London.

I also took a photo in Buckingham Palace and the small bridge in St James's Park on my first visit, and haven't done it since...

Thank you for reading!

I thought my mum was going to drive me crazy after spending a few weeks with her, and I love her, but it's so good to be back in my safe space here in London. I went to France last month to visit my mother, who was unwell at the time, and during my stay, she reminded me of why I prefer to live in England.

I know it's been a while since my last post, but the internet wasn't working at my place when I came back, and I decided to take a break and relax. I wonder sometimes if anyone even finds my blog interesting, and it can be discouraging, so it was good to take a much-needed break.

It was great to see my family and spend time with them, and I found myself playing peacemaker between my mother and my younger brother. He was my mother's favourite child growing up, and now he barely speaks to her. Sons really do change after getting married.

She apologised for being cold and strict with me when I was younger. I didn't say anything since being ignored by a son you treated like a king is a punishment I wouldn't wish on anyone. And I'm grateful for not having a son, after seeing how my younger brother had been treating our mother.

I went on a day out in the neighbourhood where I lived as a teenager. It brought back so many memories of a time when I was an innocent and pampered girl. A few days after I arrived, my mother hooked me up with a doctor from her old job. Can you believe it? It made me wonder if she hasn't been faking her health issues. She told me that I left her no choice since I'm not making any effort to find a man...

My First Date In Months

It felt like an ambush when she broke the news, but I agreed to go on the blind date nonetheless since she already arranged it. It was my first date in months, and I wasn't looking forward to it, to be honest. I'm so used to being on my own now that I'm not sure if I still have any tolerance for other people in my space, especially men.

The plan was to meet at a restaurant for a meal and maybe do something fun afterwards if it went well. The guy looked fine, and looks don't matter to me as long as a man is well put together and smells good. I gave him 2 kisses on the cheeks, a normal French greeting, and then he took my hand. I thought it was a pretty bold move, but didn't say anything.

He complimented me on my looks and said I was pretty, and then asked if I was mixed. It was a pretty funny thing to say, considering that my mother introduced us, so I asked him why he thought I was mixed. "You don't have typical black women features; you have small eyes, and your facial structure is also different. Is there some Asian mix in you?"

I burst out laughing because I get it a lot; it's been going on since childhood. People made fun of my small eyes, round face and chubby cheeks, but it doesn't bother me anymore. So I told him I was fully black and my family roots can be traced to the Republic of Congo in Central Africa. Most people are used to West African features because of the transatlantic slave trade, and I look different because I'm not West African.

It was good to go on a date and speak to him, but he made me feel uncomfortable as he couldn't take his eyes off my boobs. He's definitely a "boobs guy", and I just don't get men's fascination with breasts, big or small. There wasn't a second date, as I would rather have a man looking into my eyes when he's talking to me than ogling my boobs.

Photo by Giulia Bertelli

Happy In My Safe Space

Although I appreciate my mother's effort to help me find a man, I couldn't wait to leave and now that I'm back in my safe space in London. I'm looking forward to doing some fun activities this summer. I'm currently watching the World Cup, and I've been making plans for when it ends.

There's still so much to see and do, and I've been focusing on creating walking-tour content in London and across the UK. I'm going on a day trip to a nearby city in a couple of weeks for a festival. I'm taking a break from reading as it's too hot. Can anyone read and enjoy a book during a heatwave? I sure can't, so I'll pick up my novels again in autumn. I miss making handmade stuff, and I want to start crocheting again. I already found a tutorial video on YouTube for a beautiful scarf.

I also decided to postpone my trip to Japan to next year, and this is the last time I'll postpone it. If for some reason I'm no longer able to go next year, I'll have to give up on it. Something always seems to get in the way whenever I make plans to visit Japan; maybe it isn't meant to be, and it's important to know when to let go of your childhood dreams. So it's next year or never, but I'm not planning on giving up on learning Japanese.

I'm still going to work hard, and hopefully one day, I'll finally speak and even read Japanese. It's a shame that I can't make the trip this year, as I really wanted to see Kingdom in theatres this July. It can't be helped, and I heard that it's extremely hot in summer, so it's best to visit in autumn next year.

I also want to say that I lost over 5kg during my trip to France, and I'm feeling and looking good. My clothes fit better, and more importantly, my breasts are getting smaller. My back doesn't hurt as much as it used to, and it's great, although I still want to lose more weight. Ideally, I would like to lose 15 kg by autumn this year, so wish me luck!

Thank you for reading!

You are probably tired of me talking about how great it was to grow up in the 90s and early 00s. I know it's becoming repetitive and annoying, but I'll never get tired of talking about it. It was truly a great time, especially for me after discovering anime. I'm serious when I say it's one of the best things to ever happen to me, and it helped me become the woman I am today.

And I'm not the only one who feels this way. I came across a YouTube channel about the 80s and 90s anime openings in French, and you should've seen the comments people left. I always go back to that channel when I feel nostalgic and want to remember the happy and carefree days. Back then, anime was so deep and moving that it inspired us to do better and become better people.

I don't watch anime as much as I used to, and when I do, I prefer seinen and shonen even though I mostly watched shoujo growing up. Modern shoujo heroines aren't as driven as they were in the 70s, 80s and 90s. The first shoujo anime I watched was Lady Oscar or The Rose of Versailles (Berusaiyu no Bara).

It's a well-written story with complex character growth, intrigue, and romance, making it a classic. The only shoujo that comes close to me is Revolutionary Girl Utena. It might be controversial to some, but I think it's a well-written story with a female lead who finds a purpose, which is exactly what's missing from most modern-day shoujo.

Lady Oscar, The Rose of Versailles

Anime That Inspired Me As A Child

I'm not trying to trash modern-day shoujo or anime in general; there are some good shoujo out there, but it just doesn't feel the same anymore. I already mentioned it in a previous post, but I mean it when I say that shoujo anime inspired me to get into volleyball. And it wasn't the only sport I practised because of anime; I joined a gymnastics club after watching Hikari no Densetsu, known as Legend of Light, or Cynthia ou Le Rythme De La Vie for French speakers like myself.

I was born into a family that loves sports. Although all my siblings practice a sport, I struggled to find which one I wanted to get into. So I did a bit of everything, even though I mostly played football with my brothers until I started watching an anime where the heroine wanted to become a national champion in rhythmic gymnastics.

It isn't the best sports anime out there, not even the best sports shoujo, but there was just something about Hikari that moved me. She was willing to do whatever it takes to achieve her dream, and I admired her for it. This anime made me fall in love with gymnastics, and I loved it so much that I asked my parents if I could join a gymnastics club.

My dream of being a gymnast was shattered when one of the coaches told my parents that I was too tall for gymnastics. I won't make it as a gymnast, and it would be best for me to find another sport. He suggested basketball since I was tall, but I wasn't interested, so I quit and lost interest in sports until I watched Attack No.1 or Atakku Nanbā Wan, also known as Les Attaquantes for French speakers.

Hikari Kamijou, Legend of Light

A Girl With A Purpose

A coach shattered my dream of becoming a gymnast because of my height, and I cried my eyes out even though I already knew that I was tall for a girl. I was always the tallest girl in my class, even though it made me feel self-conscious; I never thought that my height could become a problem. After leaving the gymnastics club, I gave up on sports and only played football with my brothers because it was fun.

I was still a child, and it was a hard pill to swallow. I just couldn't move on to another sport, and nothing mattered to me until I watched an anime about a middle schooler who turned her school's female delinquents into volleyball players. Kozue Ayuhara didn't just introduce me to volleyball; she made me fall in love with the sport to the point that I was fully committed for years.

I still remember the smile on my father's face when I told him I wanted to join a volleyball club, 2 of my sisters played handball, one played basketball, and the other was a runner. Asking my parents to join a gymnastics club probably felt out of place, but they were supportive nonetheless and couldn't hide their joy when I got into volleyball.

It may seem ridiculous to practice a sport just because of anime, but I truly enjoy playing volleyball and considered going pro, but my body had other plans. I gave up on it when jumping became painful and uncomfortable. If you read my post about The Struggles Of Having Big Boobs, you'll understand what I mean. The time I played volleyball was some of the happiest years of my life, and I've encouraged my daughters to get into sports. My youngest is a runner, and my oldest is playing basketball.

Kozue Ayuhara, Attack No.1

My Favourite Sports Anime

Baseball isn't big in Europe, and I don't know anything about it, but I loved watching Ace of Diamond or Daiya no Ēsu. I can't tell how excited I was when I heard about the new anime; it's my favourite sports anime of the 2010s after Kuroko's Basket, or Kuroko no Basuke. I still watch Kuroko's Basket just to hear Aomine Daiki’s voice; that's what I call a sexy voice.

Now I'm going to share some of my favourite sports anime, if you are an anime fan but don't care for sports anime. I hope you'll check them out, and if you aren't into anime, I do hope you'll give them a try and who knows, you might actually love it. This might be controversial, but I prefer Ao Ashi to Blue Lock!

Captain Tsubasa
Ashita no Joe / Tomorrow Joe
Aim for the Ace / Jeu, Set et Match
Slam Dunk
Megalobox
Initial D
Attack No.1
Free!
Ace of Diamond
Hajime no Ippo
Haikyu!!
Hikari no Densetsu
Kuroko's Basket
The Prince of Tennis
Ao Ashi

Hiromi Oka, Aim for the Ace

Thank you for reading!

I was scrolling on TikTok the other day when I came across a disgusting story. It kept me up all night, and it made me feel like being single might just be a blessing because of what some women have to deal with. A lady shared a story of how she found her husband doing it with their dog. I won't use the same words I would use if the story was about 2 people doing it. So if you get it, good; if not, stay innocent.

She was 8 months pregnant when she walked in on her husband with their dog; the husband didn't notice her and doesn't know that she knows. She can't bring herself to be intimate with him anymore since that day; she's disgusted when she thinks of what he's been doing behind her back. Being a woman is so exhausting!

This man insisted on getting a female dog because they are "softer". It makes you wonder why?! Why would anyone go for an animal when there are plenty of women or men out there? Is anything off-limits anymore? People make fun of me for being single in my 40s, but am I really missing out, and is marriage as great as people make it seem? Especially when you come across stories like this.

My life may be lonely right now, but I'm happy and healthy. I know I'm not doing anything crazy and have nothing to worry about, but would it still be the case if I got into a relationship, since you don't know what these men are up to? I found peace since becoming single, no drama, no fights and no other nonsense, which is why I'm so reluctant to give it up for a relationship.

The Exhaustion Of Being A Woman

If I ever come back on earth again, I would rather be a butterfly than a woman. I feel this way because of the constant pressure and scrutiny women have to go through in society. Women are judged and mocked for their looks, weight, height, career choices, marital status and choosing to be the responsible parent when the father leaves.

People make fun of a woman once she starts showing signs of ageing; she's labelled as a bad mother for choosing to have a career. Don't get me started on her looks when she's pregnant or starts having children. Then she's called crazy for speaking out and standing up for herself. In 2026, women are still being shamed for being unmarried.

If a woman decides to leave her husband, she'll get all the blame, even if he's a bum who lives off her or does unspeakable things to their pet. That's how it is, and I know what I'm talking about because my mother tried to convince me to go back to my ex despite knowing the reason I left in the first place. I should've stayed for the children; my family called me stupid for leaving a man who bought me nice things.

Is there a woman who would rather be a single mother than stay with a man if he's as great as people think he is? I felt betrayed when everyone turned their backs on me, but it didn't stop me, and I have never regretted my decision to leave. It wasn't easy to start over, but here I am.

I worked hard and raised 2 children on my own without relying on anyone. My daughters always had a roof over their heads, food on the table and clothes on their backs, yet the only thing people ask me is "When are you getting married?" or "Do you have a boyfriend?" Seriously, there are men out there who have nowhere to sleep, and you still think I'll be better off with a man? Nothing is ever good enough, and you can't win.

This is the look of exhaustion.

Marrying For The Sake Of Marrying

I still believe in love, marriage, family and lifelong commitments, but I'm against the idea of marrying just for the sake of marrying. A lot of women end up in bad marriages because they feel pressured by society and family to get married before it's too "late". I've been experiencing the same thing for years, and it's one of the reasons I chose to live in the UK.

I've mentioned in a previous post that I still haven't visited Japan because my mother thinks I should focus on getting myself a husband first. I do want to fall in love and get married, but I refuse to give up on my plans and commit myself to the wrong man. I'm one of those people who learn from experience; my efforts and commitment weren't appreciated enough by the father of my children.

That's the reason I won't make myself small for a man anymore, even if it means being alone for the rest of my life. I don't want a man who will hold me down and disturb my peace. I'm no longer the patient and forgiving woman I once was; that's what usually happens when a woman has to fend for herself. So it's only natural for me to want to be with someone who will ease my burden.

To be honest, the dating scene doesn't look that good nowadays. There are way too many men out there looking for a woman who will support them financially, and I don't do that. So I'm more likely to end up alone for the rest of my life, and that's fine. At least I won't experience something crazy like the story I just shared with you; being single can save you a lot of pain and even your life sometimes.

I haven't been the same since I heard that story, and I needed to get a few things off my chest. That's all I wanted to rant about before going for a walk. I'm trying to get at 20k steps in every day now. I'm getting smaller, but the scale won't go down. Why is it so hard to lose weight?!

Thank you for reading!

I picked up baking as a hobby last year after moving to London, and it's one of the best decisions I've made in recent years. I can't believe how far I've come since I made my first banana bread; now I can even bake bread and pizza at home. I already shared with you how I made a seafood pizza for my birthday, and now it's time to share my homemade no-knead bread. It's easy, simple, cheap and absolutely delicious.

I baked my first bread on a random day in March of this year when I was too lazy to go out but didn't have anything left to eat except eggs. After going through my pantry, I found flour and thought I might as well make bread. I looked up easy bread recipes online and found a no-knead bread recipe, which was perfect for a beginner since you don't have to knead the dough.

I also love this recipe because I've had a bad shoulder for years, and kneading is always painful for me when I'm baking. I'm not ready to invest in a stand mixer, so this will be my go-to bread recipe for now. I haven't bought bread from supermarkets since April; it took a few mistakes before I got it right.

It requires only 3 ingredients, which can be found in most pantries: Bread flour, salt, and Yeast. Although I used 2 types of flour for the bread shown in the photo, I used both white bread flour and wholemeal flour, which explains the colour.

Mixing the ingredients in a bowl

Easy Homemade Bread Recipe

Ingredients:

Salt: 1/2 tsp

Yeast: 1 tbsp

Bread Flour: 1 cup

Wholemeal Flour: 2 cups

Water: 1 and 1/2 cups

I poured 1 and 1/2 cups of water into a mixing bowl and added salt and yeast. I mixed everything and let it sit for 10 minutes to activate the yeast. The next step was to add flour. I started with wholemeal flour, then white flour and mixed everything together until the dough was tacky.

Most people would start kneading at this point, but I was making a no-knead bread, so the next step was to stretch and fold for 10 min, then let the dough rest for 30 min. I repeated the process 3 times, so it took 2 hours to make this bread, and it was worth the time.

Yeast bread tastes good when you let it rest and rise. I started with wholemeal flour because it makes the dough dense, and you might not need as much flour as you would with white bread. My first wholemeal bread was a disaster because I used too much flour and ended up with a shaggy dough.

This recipe can be used for both white bread and wholemeal bread; I mixed them only because I didn't want to eat either. So this combo worked perfectly for what I was craving that day!

Tacky dough after rest time

Becoming A Self-Taught Baker

I've been building up my skills and equipment for months as a self-taught baker, although baking cakes and cookies has been fun. I want to focus on bread and pizza from now on, as I've considered opening my own boulangerie down the line.

It would be great to turn a passion into a source of income. I haven't made up my mind yet, but I'll keep improving myself, and I know it won't be easy since I have to learn on my own. Ideally, I want to learn the basics from a professional; however, I can't afford baking lessons at the moment.

So I'll keep trying online recipes and watching YouTube tutorials, and I think I've made a lot of progress since I started. There's a reason why I'm finally posting one of my homemade breads even though I've been baking since March lol.

My next challenge is to learn how to make sourdough bread. I've watched a few tutorials, but I still can't get it, which is annoying because it's my favourite type of bread. And I'll save so much money if I learn how to make it myself since it's pretty expensive.

My previous attempts at making sourdough bread were a complete failure, but I won't give up and will keep trying. I can't wait to show you my sourdough bread once I've successfully made it!

This is how I like my bread.

Thank you for reading!

"He pulled her closer and held her tight in his arms.

She caught her breath, then whispered, Let go, please!.

He looked into her eyes and said. You're mine.

I don't belong to anyone, and you already have a fiancée. She looked away and continued, I don't like sharing a man with another woman. I'd rather have him all to myself, so let go now!

Is that so? he replied with a faint smile. You and I are meant to be; you will fall for me, and nothing else will matter then..."

This is one of the few scenarios that came to mind when I was thinking about a short story I want to write. I love books and have been reading novels since primary school. Although I prefer crime/thriller, I do enjoy romance and fantasy novels every now and then. I was first introduced to historical romance novels by my mother, who loved Barbara Cartland Regency love stories.

At an age when girls become curious about love, I read up to 5 books a week. They made me romanticise life and fall in love with love stories. Books gave me an escape from the cold reality of my life as a teenager with no friends or a sweetheart. I knew nothing about life and love beyond what I read in books, so I started dreaming of romance and making up scenarios about my first love, moving out of my parents' home, and taking control of my life.

When I was younger, my dream was to become a lawyer and then go on to become a writer, as I believed my experience would be a great source of inspiration. My dad had other plans for me, so I gave up on becoming a lawyer and studied finance instead. I was so frustrated by my parents' decision that I gave up on becoming a writer.

What was I supposed to write about anyway, numbers?! Blogging is the closest thing to writing I have done over the years, and at first it was a way to improve my English, share my experience and relieve stress. Now it is a safe space to write down my thoughts and share my growth journey.

It also helped me realise that there is no reason for me to give up on becoming a writer just because I'm not a lawyer. I understand that wanting to be a writer doesn't mean I will be a good one. So I've decided to become a self-taught writer and teach myself how to write a novel. It's a good way to find out if I'm good at it before committing myself to going back to university to get a degree.

I'm reading more to write better.

Desire And Dreams Of Romance

I started making up scenarios about my first love when I was 14. As I mentioned, I couldn't date at the time and still had a few years to wait, so it felt normal to rehearse for when the time finally comes. At first, I pictured myself as the female lead in the novel, and I felt like I was living the greatest love story of my life. So the scenarios were basically just me replacing the character in the book; although it was fun for a while, I grew tired of it.

I started yearning for a story with my own emotions and feelings, but I knew nothing about love. I only read about it, so I didn't know how it feels to be in love, and that's when I started making up scenarios of my first love. I had a scenario in my head for every moment. I thought of how we would meet, our first date, my first kiss and finally my first time.

The scenarios changed every day, depending on my mood. It was around that time that I became interested in shoujo manga. I watched a few shoujo anime; Legend of Light (Hikari no Densetsu) and Attack No. 1(Atakku No. 1) inspired me to get into sports, but I mostly watched shonen anime. So when I picked up Basara by Yumi Tamura, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. This manga introduced me to the enemies-to-lovers genre, and my life hasn't been the same since.

I even wrote a love story for one of my cousins and a classmate who had a crush on him in high school. I came up with it after watching them interact, and I still remember my classmate blushing when I read it to her. My classmates loved it and started asking to write stories; they said they loved my storytelling. They weren't the only ones; my literature teacher agreed since I was his best student.

Reading helped me disconnect from reality and develop a vivid imagination; however, I constantly made up scenarios in my head and tend to daydream a lot. When I was a teenager, my mother would walk into my room when I was deep in thought and say: Your future husband will be a lucky man, since you love sleeping so much. You'll already be in bed every time he gets home from work. I didn't understand what she meant at the time, but yeah, I still spend most of my time in my bedroom!

I still love staying in my bedroom.

Choosing Romance Over Mystery

My heart skipped a beat for the first time while reading a romance novel, and love stories filled me with dreams of happiness and undying love. It's needless to say, my first love didn't go as I imagined, and he ended up breaking my heart, but I haven't changed since those days. I still come up with scenarios of when I'll finally meet someone after being single for so long and maybe fall in love again.

Although I'm no longer the naive and delusional girl I used to be, I'm still a hopeless romantic, which is why romance novels will always have a special place in my heart. And the short story I'm working on is a romantic one. This is a pretty interesting choice for someone who hasn't been in love for ages and claims to love mystery novels.

Romance novels might be exciting and comforting, but they aren't as alluring and stimulating as the thrill of solving a puzzle. I find it exhausting to understand emotions; I don't have the patience for it and usually end up being stressed. It's far more interesting for me to explore the human mind, and there is nothing like a mystery novel to sharpen your logic.

La Brute ( The Brute) by Guy Des Cars is the first novel I ever read. It sparked my interest in human psychology and moral complexity; its gripping plot kept me on edge and gave me my first thrill of solving a puzzle and uncovering the truth. Right now I'm more interested in solving a mystery rather than writing one, which is why I'm choosing to write a romantic short story.

Also, I shouldn't assume that I'm capable of writing a good mystery just because I've been reading them since childhood. It takes a certain degree of "deception" to write a mystery, and I prefer to solve them because I'm somewhat of a "truth seeker". So I don't think I can write a mystery, but I won't know until I give it a try. And maybe I will one day!

I believe writing a romantic story will help me understand and feel my own feelings, as I haven't been able to express them openly for years. It will be difficult for me to connect with people and form a strong bond with anyone if I can't even connect with myself. Lastly, I'm challenging myself to see if a mystery lover can write a romance that resonates with people.

Actually, I wanted to write erotic stories, but I haven't been intimate with anyone for a long time, and it won't do me any good to end up sexually frustrated by my own stories. My first story is about a woman who finds love during a trip of a lifetime. I'm excited to write this story, and I've been reading a lot lately to improve my English and enrich my vocabulary. The story will be in English, and since it isn't my first language, it might take some time to finish. I will let you know once it's done.

Thank you for reading!

It's been a while since I made a post about a Japanese drama, and this time I want to share my thoughts about I'm Mita, Your Housekeeper, or Kaseifu no Mita in Japanese. This is one of the messiest and most frustrating dramas I've watched, and the male lead, Keiichi Masuda, annoyed me to the very last episode. He's the "wimpiest" character I've seen since Yusaku Godai from Maison Ikkoku.

Although I couldn't stand the male lead character, I absolutely love Hiroki Hasegawa's performance as Keiichi Masuda. He was remarkable in Suzuki Sensei and outstanding as Akechi Mitsuhide in Awaiting Kirin, but he embodied the character so well; it's hands down one of his best performances. The best performance in this drama definitely goes to Nanako Matsushima as Akari Mita, the cold and emotionless housekeeper.

I loved her as Azusa Fuyutsuki in the 1998 drama GTO: Great Teacher Onizuka; her acting has improved since, and she delivered in this role. Something about the character felt relatable to me even though she was emotionless. I'm Mita, Your Housekeeper is a 2011 Japanese drama that touches on sensitive subjects such as abuse, cheating, suicide, grief, and loss. It's available for streaming on Netflix.

Kii, Mita & Yui

When Love Breaks Down

I'm Mita, Your Housekeeper follows the Asuda family: the father, Keiichi and his 4 children who are still coming to terms with the death of their mother. Keiichi told his children that their mother died in an accident, but it turned out to be a lie; Nagiko took her own life when Keiichi asked for a divorce so he could be with his mistress. The truth will come out after Akari Mita starts working for the family as a housekeeper.

She's a cold, emotionless lady who doesn't step outside her role as a housekeeper and is willing to do whatever her employer asks of her, as long as it is within her capabilities. Although she's only about work and doesn't seem to care about the family, she'll help them come to terms with the mother's death. Akari is also fighting her own demons, and being with the Asuda family will help her overcome her trauma. Akari used to be a happy woman who smiled all the time but turned cold after experiencing loss.

This drama made me think that the Asuda couple is a good example of what happens when 2 selfish people get together. Spoiler Alert: When Keiichi was still dating Nagiko, he told her he didn't want any children; then she got pregnant, and he had no choice but to propose. And she went on to have 3 more children, completely ignoring the fact that her husband didn't want any.

When the truth about her death was revealed, I couldn't help but wonder if she truly loved her children, or if she had them only to secure her marriage. As a mother, the idea of taking my own life because my marriage is falling apart wouldn't cross my mind when I have children to look after. I understand that she felt like all the time and effort she put into her marriage were wasted, but having and raising her children shouldn't have felt like a waste of time since she chose to have them.

I heard that contraception isn't easy to come by in Japan, but I'm pretty sure there are other ways to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. Did she even love her children? It is a valid question to ask since she chose her husband and ended her life instead of living for them. As for Keiichi, why did he keep having kids when he didn't want them?!

Keiichi's affair is revealed.

A Man Won't Change For You

Most men put themselves first and won't change for a woman or anyone; men change for themselves. You might have an amazing story about how you saved or changed a man, but it doesn't happen often. So when a man says he doesn't want children, don't stick around hoping to change his mind. He'll become a dad only if he really wants to, and it won't be for you. No one wants to hear it, but it is what it is, and some women would spare themselves a lot of pain if they weren't so bent on trying to change a man.

Keiichi was willing to walk away from his wife and children because he didn't want children to begin with and became one only due to circumstances. He was a hardworking man who provided and cared for his family but was unable to love his children the way most fathers do. I'm not trying to excuse his affair, but his wishes were completely ignored.

He explicitly said that he didn't want any children at the beginning of their relationship and ended up with 4 kids, and when he asked for a divorce, his wife would rather die than give him up. The saddest part is that he was still in love with his mistress even after Nagiko's death; she did all that, and he still wanted to be with his mistress.

If a child was enough to keep a man, there wouldn't be so many stories of men walking away from their family to be with another woman. Don't try to trap a man with a baby; it won't end well. People make poor judgments when they're in love, but still listen to the other person if they say, "I don't want any children" It's better to be with someone who thinks alike than to convince or expect them to change. I'm not trying to be preachy, but I genuinely think Keiichi and Nagiko were too selfish.

Nagiko seemed to love her husband more than her children, and Keiichi was willing to walk away from his marriage without thought for his wife and children because he was in love and his mistress wasn't even interested in becoming a mother to his children. So Nagiko would've been the only one taking care of the kids if they got a divorce. I feel so bad for the children; where does it leave them?!

Saki Aibu as Urara

Healing And Overcoming Trauma

I like Nagiko's younger sister, Urara, played by Saki Aibu. I'm silly and clumsy just like her, so she was relatable. And I thought the Asuda children were unnecessarily mean to her, especially Yui; I can't stand her. She's so annoying; then again, they were grieving. I don't know if I'm the only one bothered by Urara's feelings for Keiichi. From all the men she could fall for, why her sister's husband, and how long has she been in love with him?!

I'm not naive, and I heard stories about men having affairs with their wives' siblings, but still, it didn't sit well with me. This man was going to leave her sister for another woman, and she was in love with him?! How is a wimp like Keiichi able to pull such beautiful women? He's so selfish and indecisive. Things might have turned out differently if he stood his ground when he first got married to Nagiko.

If he said, I didn't want any children, but it's fine having one and no more. He let things get out of control and tried to run away by asking for a divorce. He was willing to move heaven and earth for his mistress but was indecisive about his own children. It's been a while since a character pissed me off so much, and Urara thought he was the one for her.

This drama is messy and beautiful. It might not be for everyone due to the sensitive topics, but I recommend watching it, especially if you're grieving or trying to overcome trauma. It shows the impact some decisions can have on children's lives, dealing with grief and loss, overcoming trauma and how a stranger can help you on your healing journey.

Thank you for reading!

Victoria Station At Dawn

The Sun On Buckingham Palace

Flags & Summer Flowers

The Royal St James Park

My First Date In Months

Happy In My Safe Space

Anime That Inspired Me As A Child

A Girl With A Purpose

My Favourite Sports Anime

The Exhaustion Of Being A Woman

Marrying For The Sake Of Marrying

Easy Homemade Bread Recipe

Becoming A Self-Taught Baker

Desire And Dreams Of Romance

Choosing Romance Over Mystery

When Love Breaks Down

A Man Won't Change For You

Healing And Overcoming Trauma

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