A Dream Life In The Countryside

I'm not enjoying life as much as I used to since moving to London. I've been feeling down, and most of the time, I don't feel like going out at all. Being able to walk around Buckingham Palace and Tower Bridge whenever I want seems awesome, and I know that I'm living some people's dream life here in London, but I'm not a city person.

As beautiful as London is, I can't help but feel out of place; I would feel the same in any big city, whether it's Paris or Tokyo. The fast-paced life in big cities isn't for me; I watched Rose & Anzai Countrylife on YouTube over the weekend and was reminded that my dream is to live a quiet life in the countryside. Rose is an African woman who seems to have a dream life in the countryside in China. 

When she was still in her home country in Africa, one of her colleagues at work, a Chinese lady, introduced her to her cousin or friend. They fell in love, got married, and she moved to the countryside in China. She makes homemade meals and speaks Chinese fluently. As a woman who also left her home to build a new life for herself abroad, I have nothing but respect for Rose.

It takes a lot of courage to leave your family and friends to move to a country where you don't speak the language and have no one but a man to rely on. Although life in the Chinese countryside may not seem ideal to some, I wouldn't mind moving there and spending my days growing vegetables and fruits and making delicious food. A dream life in the countryside for me is living in a small house with a garden, making meals from scratch and going on walks at sunset with my loved ones!

I was blessed to have wonderful parents who took good care of me and raised me to respect everyone regardless of their background. Maybe I was a spoiled child, or they didn't prepare me enough for life, but there was a time when I wished I had never left my parents' home. When I woke up every day ready to face life as a foreigner, a woman and a single mother, I started dreaming of a slow and simple life.

That life was nothing but a dream until the last couple of years, when I finally started slowing down. I spent years chasing jobs, raising 2 children alone, and doing pretty much everything on my own because I left my family behind when I moved to England. There was no one to help me, no one to talk to and moreover, no one to comfort me when life was just too much.

People learn to move in silence when they have no one, and that's exactly what happened. I couldn't even cry or fall apart because I had children who relied on me, so I shut down my emotions, became cold and cared only about myself and my daughters. Nothing else mattered more than making sure the kids had a roof over their heads, food on the table and clothes on their backs.

Despite my indifference, I was thinking of living a quiet life away from big cities, the day when I'll live at my own pace instead of constantly chasing things and people. Learn to grow my own produce, finally have time to sew some pillow and duvet covers, crochet blankets for the cold season and watch a movie late at night without dreading going to work the following day. 

I believe I've mentioned this before, but as a woman of colour, I can't just get up one day and decide to visit a random country without first making sure I'll be safe. So it was comforting to watch women who look like me enjoy life in Asian countries. The main reason my mother is against me going to Japan is that Asia as a whole isn't seen as a friendly place for people of colour, especially black people. 

She's worried about me having a bad experience; even my younger brother told me I should forget Japan and go somewhere I'll actually have a good time. Is my life perfect in England or Europe in general? No. Did I face racism here? Yes, everyone in my family has experienced some form of racism, but they still think it would be worse in Asia. I love watching Rose's life abroad because it gave me the confidence to visit Japan and China. 

She seems to be doing well despite the challenge of marrying into a different culture; she learned the language and adapted to her new life. Her community has welcomed her, and her husband seems to truly care for her. People have different experiences, but hers proves that some people will accept you regardless of your skin colour, and that's what truly matters. Her life also reminds me of what I want mine to be in the coming years. 

I spent the best years of my life living like a zombie, and my bed was the only place where I could finally be myself. I finally started slowing down when I realised that I would never go back to being 27 or 30, and having responsibilities is no excuse for living a meaningless life. So I started being mindful of how I spent my free time; instead of sleeping all day on my days off, my daughters and I went on a fun day out. 

For our first day trip, we went to Liverpool; we watched Aladdin in the theatre, had a delicious meal and went shopping. It became a ritual to go out for a meal and watch a movie; we also visited beautiful cities in Europe. My baby steps to mindful living began when I changed how I saw motherhood. Making the most of each moment with or without my daughters is when I truly started living my life!

As a single woman in her 40s, people often ask what exactly are you looking for in a man. I usually just laugh because they assume that a single woman can't find happiness without a man. Happiness is simple and doesn't always involve a man; for me, it's living in a small house with a garden in the countryside. It's also waking up at dawn, brewing fresh coffee and watering flowers while the bread is in the oven. 

Life in the countryside would truly make me happy; it's one of the reasons I considered moving to Oxfordshire and York a few months ago. It's a shame that it didn't work out; I won't give up, and I'm sure one day I'll finally have my dream life in the countryside, and who knows, maybe it's even a man who will make it happen lol.

Is it weird for my happiness to be nothing but a dream life in the countryside? You would understand if you spent the best years of your life going above and beyond while ignoring your own needs. I grew up pleasing my parents; then a man came after that, and after a man, it was my daughters. I finally started living for myself in my 40s; still, people make me feel guilty for leaving my daughters with their dad to focus on myself.

No matter what I do and how hard I try, it's clearly never enough, so living in a small house away from my family and my mother will truly make me happy. I have to say, a small house with a beautiful kitchen to make delicious meals from scratch, I could grow carrots, cabbages, tomatoes, apples and strawberries. I'll also learn to make potato or rice wine; even though I don't drink, my life would be so much more interesting in the countryside...