Candid Memoir

What do you do when you're single, have no friends and no one to speak to?! You go for a walk, hoping that it'll help clear your mind and keep you sane. Life hasn't been great for me lately, and since all the above applies to me, I've been going on little explorations around London. Morning and evening walks are helping me cope with everything going on in my life, and what's better than a beautiful sunrise or sunset to lift your mood?!

That's how I ended up in Central London on a random weekday. Watching the sunrise in Greenwich Park inspired me to see the sunset on Big Ben and London Eye from the Golden Jubilee Bridges in Westminster. I live far, and it's quite a journey to get there, but I didn't mind at all, as I thought it would be worth it, and you can see it in the picture above.

There is a tube to Westminster from where I live, but I was in the mood for a walk. So I took a bus and got off in Waterloo, then walked all the way to Southbank Centre, where the Golden Jubilee Bridges are located. A vlog of my walk exploring Westminster is on my YouTube Channel. It cleared my mind to walk from Waterloo to the Southbank Centre, and since I still had time before sunset, I decided to walk around Big Ben and London Eye. I was closer to the latter, and that's where I started. It was so relaxing to watch the boats on the Thames.

Westminster At Sunset

I have seen Big Ben and London Eye at dawn and night, but it was my first time watching the sunset in Westminster. I was stressed and worried when I left home, but by the time I had reached London Eye, I was at peace and couldn't have chosen a better time to visit.

It's one of the busiest places in London, and the best times to visit are early morning and late evening when the tourists and employees have left for the day. It still gets crowded, but not as much as it would around lunchtime.

I was walking towards Big Ben from London Eye when I thought that I hadn't been on that big wheel since the late 00s. I first came to London as a student in the 00s; a couple of days after arriving, I went sightseeing, and I was as excited as anyone would be on their first trip.

I started my day at Buckingham Palace, visited St James Park, took a photo in front of Big Ben and then went to get a view of London on the big wheel. There is usually a queue in front of the telephone booth for the Big Ben photo, but it's worth the wait. And don't forget to strike a pose in Parliament Square Garden and its statues of notable figures.

Westminster Abbey is a few minutes' walk from Parliament Square, but it's going through some renovation and might not be open to the public at the time this post is published. Although I've never been inside, it's breathtaking outside and might be worth booking a visit.

Big Ben

Things To Do in Westminster

Although I didn't mind going all the way to Westminster just for the sunset, it might not be the same for you. If you're travelling from far, this is what I would recommend to make the most of your day. London is breathtaking at sunset or night, so if you're planning to go on the wheel for a view of the city, the later the better.

Buckingham Palace is a good starting point for a fun day out in London; you can then visit St James Park, which is less than 5 minutes' walk from the Palace. Since we're out exploring and don't feel rushed, you can leave the park by one of its many exits to The Mall, the ceremonial route between Buckingham Palace and Trafalgar Square. You can follow

The Mall all the way to Trafalgar Square; from there, head to The Horse Guards, which is a 10-minute walk. There is a shortcut to the Horse Guards and Big Ben from St James Park if you aren't interested in Trafalgar Square. The next stop after the Horse Guards will be Big Ben.

After taking a few photos and listening to Big Ben's chime, you can go to Westminster Abbey through Parliament Square. After your visit, you can go to the Churchill War Rooms and then go on the Big Wheel for a view of London. You can take an Uber Boat to see Tower Bridge up close; I think that would be a great way to end your day out. If you love museums and galleries, I would recommend adding Tate Modern and the National Portrait Gallery to your itinerary.

As a pescatarian, I don't eat out that much, so I wouldn't know the best places to grab a bite in Westminster. You can visit Cardinal Place, a shopping centre near Victoria Station, which is a few minutes' walk away from Parliament Square. If you don't feel like walking, you can hop on a bus to Victoria. There are plenty of restaurants inside the shopping centre and on the main road, and the best thing is that Buckingham Palace is just around a corner if you start your day at Big Ben.

London Eye

I share my thoughts on my podcast The Hushed Journal, available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. New episodes on Wednesdays and Sundays; feel free to join me for a chat. See the links below.

Spotify Apple Podcasts

Thank you for reading!

Photo by Brett Jordan

I was cleaning my desk the other day when I found my iPod; it looks exactly like the one in the picture above. I took it in my hand, sat down and smiled, thinking about the good old days. I purchased it a couple of years ago when I was feeling nostalgic about the 00s, when we listened to music without being interrupted by phone notifications.

I collected all sorts of antique and vintage items over the years, including a Polaroid camera, VHS tapes and a player, teacups and games. I sold most of my collection before moving to London, and my iPod is one of the few items I kept. Although I haven't used it for months, it holds a special place in my heart and reminds me of a time when I lived a carefree life.

I looked at the iPod in my hand and sighed. My first iPod was a present from my dad. I didn't even thank him when he gave it to me and just said, "I wanted a pink one". Yeah, I was an entitled and spoiled brat, and I didn't appreciate what I had at the time. The iPod is now discontinued, and my dad is long gone. I purchased a refurbished one for nostalgia's sake. "How I wish I could go back to the early 00s"

When That 00s Nostalgia Hits You

I was still in high school in the 00s and won't bore you with fake stories about being popular and how great life was back then. I was a nerd and a loner who loved books and anime; I still do. Boys weren't interested in me, and I felt the same way; I don't have fond memories of my high school years, but life was still good. I always looked forward to watching anime and playing video games with my brothers; I was closer to them than I was to my sisters.

It would be a lie to say that I didn't want friends, but I found ways to have fun on my own, especially after my dad got us a new game console. I played Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter for hours. I can't stop smiling thinking about it. I didn't have the same freedom other girls my age had since my parents were strict, but I didn't have a bad childhood either.

Why else would I feel nostalgic about those days? My parents worked hard to provide for us, and in return, they wanted us to focus on school and stay out of trouble. It wasn't as easy as I make it seem for girls, but I guess they were just doing what they thought was best for us.

I mostly worried about getting good grades and heading straight home after school. After doing housework, I was allowed to go to the movies at weekends. I still remember watching Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone in the theatre.

I used to spend hours trying to download a song on LimeWire; I joined a forum to chat about my favourite anime, which wasn't as mainstream as it is now. The internet was safer, so it was easy to chat and connect with someone on the other side of the world. Life was so simple and stress-free in those days, at least it was for me.

Photo by Ben Griffiths

What I Miss About The 00s

I definitely miss the fashion; this isn't for everyone, but I also wore a dress over jeans or leggings under a mini skirt. It may seem silly now, but I loved it back then. Outfits weren't about showing your curves; they were mostly about comfort and making a statement, which is why I miss the Y2K fashion. I often visit thrift stores looking for vintage outfits.

The pop culture of the early 00s was top-tier; cancel culture wasn't a thing, so we had a few scandalous stories involving popular artists or movie stars. Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake's breakup, for example or Brad Pitt cheating on Jennifer Aniston with Angelina Jolie.

The music and movies were great and offensive sometimes, but no one cared; we laughed about it and moved on, and most movies had a music video. I wish we could bring those back!

Dating culture was better, as men approached the women they fancied, spoke to them face-to-face, and made plans to go on dates. It wasn't about talking to someone who might or might not be real for months online.

So from the beginning, it was up to you to decide if you want to carry on or tell them you aren't interested. Dating is never easy regardless of the time or place, but I still prefer the 00s dating culture. Men still lied and played women, but it wasn't as bad as it is now with online dating.

What To Bring Back From The 00s

This is just wishful thinking, but if I have the opportunity to bring back something from the 00s, it would be old school TVs and VHS players. I have nothing against streaming services, but anime, movies and TV shows are way too accessible nowadays.

When I was in primary school, my dad bought me a Candy Candy VHS tape. It was the most valuable thing in my eyes at the time because I love Candy Candy anime, and it wasn't easy to get your hands on anime tapes back in the 90s.

That's why I wouldn't mind bringing back physical media and video store culture. The other thing I wouldn't mind bringing back is handwritten letters and the house phone. I'm a quiet person who doesn't talk much, and I think the mobile phone made people way too accessible. I miss those days when someone had to go through all of your family members before finally talking to you.

This is an honourable mention, but as a drama lover, I miss the 00s Japanese drama vibe. Check out the Extremely Inappropriate drama or Futekisetsu ni mo Hodo ga Aru! with Sadawo Abe to get what I mean.

More importantly, I wish we could bring back the anonymity and sense of decency we had back in the 00s. People were more tolerant, forgiving and less critical of others; above all else, can life go back to being affordable as it was then?! Wouldn't it be great to work full-time, afford your bills, and save money like in the 00s?

I share my thoughts on my podcast The Hushed Journal, available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. New episodes on Wednesdays and Sundays; feel free to join me for a chat. See the links below.

Spotify Apple Podcasts

Thank you for reading!

On a random day in 1998, I turned on the TV while having breakfast before school, and a new anime came on instead of The Rose of Versailles in the morning slot. The opening caught my attention because it was in Japanese, which was odd at the time, as we watched anime dubbed in French with a French opening.

The opening wasn't the only thing that was changed back then; even the characters were given French or Western names. So I grew up with characters such as Juliette or Kyoko in Maison Ikkoku, and Adeline Gallant or Akane Tendo. I was stunned when I rewatched my favourite anime in Japanese as an adult.

Back to my childhood memories, I was pleasantly surprised by the Japanese opening, and it got even better as I watched the anime. Some of you might have heard of The Kindaichi Case Files, or Kindaichi Shōnen no Jikenbo, which was my first mystery anime. I was already an avid reader, and I got my love for mystery books from my dad. From that day on, I looked forward to watching Kindaichi crack a case. That being said, the 3rd opening, Kimi ga iru kara by Yui Nishiwaki, is my favourite.

Japanese Mysteries With Kindaichi

I discovered Japanese mysteries with The Kindaichi Case Files anime, followed by Detective Conan. Although I love Detective Conan, I prefer Kindaichi because the intrigue is more complex and interesting. I usually find the culprit within the first 15 minutes in Detective Conan, but with Kindaichi, it takes more reflection and speculation to unfold the plot, and I don't always get it right.

The Kindaichi Case Files or The Files of Young Kindaichi anime is based on a manga, Kindaichi Shōnen no Jikenbo, written by Yōzaburō Kanari and illustrated by Fumiya Satō. The story follows a crime-solving high schooler, Hajime Kindaichi, the grandson of Kosuke Kindaichi, a famous fictional detective created by Seishi Yokomizo. He's basically the Japanese version of Sherlock Holmes.

"In the name of my grandfather, I will solve this mystery" is Kindaichi's catchphrase. I wasn't familiar with Japanese literature or novels when I first became a fan; Japanese media, especially books, weren't as accessible then as they are now, so I had no idea who Kosuke Kindaichi was. So I often asked myself why Kindaichi always swears by his grandfather's name when he never appeared in the anime, even though he was a famous detective. After following the Kindaichi series for over 2 decades, I finally purchased 2 of Seishi Yokomizo's novels, with Kosuke Kindaichi's investigations: Murder At The Black Cat Cafe and The Inugami Curse.

Some novels by Japanese authors in my collection

Beautiful Writing And Ingenious Plot

I finished reading Murder At The Black Cat Cafe a few days ago, and I can't stop thinking about the plot. It has one of the most unexpected twists I've ever read, and the way Kosuke Kindaichi cracks the case is superb. I couldn't figure out who the real killer was until the very end. I was on edge and kept contradicting myself until the big reveal. It is truly an ingenious plot!

I can't believe it took me this long to finally get into Seishi Yokomizo's murder mysteries. He's a master at gripping storytelling, and one of the writers whose mystery I still haven't solved before the end of the story. I've probably watched a drama adaptation of one of his novels without knowing, and I'm truly glad that translated Japanese mystery novels have become more accessible in recent years. A couple of years ago, I had considered studying creative writing in Japan, but I gave up on the idea due to parenting responsibilities.

Now that I'm all alone, I wouldn't mind spending 2 years in Japan learning the language and studying creative writing, as I've always liked their storytelling style, which is the reason I love Japanese dramas and murder mysteries across different media. I have only 2 out of the 6 books by Seishi Yokomizo translated into English, and I'm planning to complete the collection. I'd like to see how far I can get trying to unfold one of his ingenious plots. I fell right into the killer's trap in Murder At The Black Cat Cafe, and I just can't get over it. I'm now going to read The Inugami Curse, and I hope to see through the killer this time!

I share my thoughts on my podcast The Hushed Journal, available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. New episodes on Wednesdays and Sundays; feel free to join me for a chat. See the links below

Spotify Apple Podcasts

Thank you for reading!

I don't remember the last time I looked at a man and thought to myself, " I want him". I haven't been in a relationship since breaking up with the father of my children, and over the last few years, I haven't met a man who made me fall for him. My last crush was in 2018, and I quickly lost interest as he turned out to be rude. Although I knew he was also interested in me, I lost interest when he made me feel like I had to try hard to get his attention. I walked away, and even though I met some men along the way, none of them made me feel like wanting to know them better.

There was this one guy I was speaking to who never asked me out on a date, but wanted to stay over at my house. And when I told him, Men don't come to my house, he became even more persistent, so I blocked him, and he wasn't the only one. Whatever happened to giving women flowers and asking them out on dates?

When I started living alone with my daughters, I felt guilty raising them in a single-parent household, as I grew up with both my parents. So I promised myself that the only man I'll introduce to my daughters and let set foot in my house will be in a serious relationship with me, and maybe get married one day. I've kept my promise and turned down men who didn't seem serious or who wanted to stay over after exchanging a few messages. Also, as a mother, how could I bring random men over to my place when I have daughters?!

As I mentioned previously, I'm a conservative woman who received strict home training, and I want to be a mother my daughters would be proud of and set a good example for them. So that's how I've been living my life, and it's probably one of the reasons I'm still single, but it's fine with me. As far as I can remember, dating wasn't a priority; in fact, I wasn't allowed to date. I have been single more than I have been in relationships, and since I don't do one-night stands or friends with benefits, most men see me as a boring woman!

I don't know what's going on, but I have this feeling that someone will finally walk into my life soon. I've had this feeling for the last few weeks, and this man will be different from others so far. I don't know why I'm feeling this way, and I can't explain it, so I've been asking myself a lot: if I meet someone I'm interested in, do I still know how to love?

Photo by Thought Catalog

Do I Still Know What Love Is

I love my daughters and myself, but am I still able to fall in love with a man?! What if I meet someone I really like? Can I still open my heart to him? Do I even know what love is anymore? These questions may seem silly, but it's something I've been asking myself a lot lately. At first, it was just my daughters and me. I love them, of course, but a mother's love is different from the love you have for a man. Then last year, I moved to London, and it's just me now.

I spend most of my time alone, and I haven't fallen for a man for a long time, so I don't know if I can still love and be romantic with someone. I'm worried about being unable to open my heart again because life wasn't easy for me as a working single mother. I had no one to rely on and did everything myself. I wouldn't have been able to make it this far if I hadn't shut down my emotions.

I'm a friendly, polite and shy woman who's always smiling, but the truth is, I don't care about most people. I don't feel anything for anyone except for myself and my family. No matter how hard life got for me, I kept pushing myself regardless of how I felt because I had people relying on me and all those years I spent taking care of my daughters, I didn't cry until moving to London.

I'm slowly starting to get my feelings back, but I'm still a pretty cold woman. Life has hardened me, and that's why I'm wondering if I still know how to love. Can I still love a man with all my heart like I did in the past?! Am I still single because I haven't met a man who made me fall for him, or is it because I'm unable to fall for anyone now?! Even if I met my soulmate, I'll probably just walk past him without feeling anything.

Learning To Love Again

I was kicking my feet the other day at romantic scenes in The Rebel Princess, a Chinese drama with Zhang Ziyi; she was so big in the early 00s. It was great to see her in a historical drama. Anyway, it's so out of character for me to smile at romantic scenes; I usually find them annoying. I think I'm finally starting to get my feelings back now that the weight of responsibilities has lessened since last year. I only have to worry about myself and don't have to be strong anymore.

I also cried earlier this week because I've been trying so hard lately, and that's fine; there is no shame in crying, but I couldn't do it when my daughters were around. I didn't want to rely on them emotionally, so I held everything in so they could fully live out their childhood. It's only by letting out all the emotions I held back over the years that I'll learn to love again. I'm in no hurry to fall in love, and I have no intention of falling for a random man, but I think it's important for me to learn how to love again.

The thing about shutting down your emotions is that you don't get to pick and choose; you just turn cold and become unbothered. I was cold to everyone, including my family and daughters, which is why I sent them to their dad. I grew up with a cold mother and didn't want my daughters to have the same experience, so I'm learning to open my heart, be emotional, show my love and more importantly, express my feelings to the people in my life!

"I fell in love with him the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once." John Green

I share my thoughts on my podcast The Hushed Journal, available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. New episodes on Wednesdays and Sundays; feel free to join me for a chat. See the links below

Spotify Apple Podcasts

Thank you for reading!

After closing the door behind me, I suddenly realised that I had forgotten my watch. I stood there for a few minutes, wondering whether to go back inside and retrieve it or just carry on. It was after 4 am, and I was on my way to Greenwich Park. I was hesitant to go back inside because it was early in the morning, and I didn't want to disturb my housemates.

I was planning to walk all the way to Greenwich Park, but getting my steps in wasn't the main goal. I wanted to see the sunrise over London, and I had better be on my way if I wanted to make it there for 6 am. I looked at the sky, zipped my coat all the way up and took my first steps to leave the property. Once I was out on the street, I turned right and started walking downhill towards the main road.

There is a 24 hr bus service to Greenwich from where I live, but I wanted to walk and was heading to the main road only for safety reasons. It isn't safe for a woman to use back streets in the early hours of the morning in a city like London. As beautiful as London is, it's a pretty dangerous city to live in, so caution is recommended.

Things haven't been great for me since March, and I've been feeling down lately; no matter how hard I try, nothing seems to work out the way I expect it. I even cut myself badly with a hand mixer while making a smoothie. I got a few stitches in my finger, which is why this post will be published later than usual.

So my morning walks aren't just for weight loss anymore; it's also a way for me to clear my mind and try to stay positive despite the setbacks. And I left home first thing in the morning to see the sunrise over London, hoping to enjoy a moment of peace and quiet in this busy city!

London's skyline from Observatory Hill

Rosy Sunrise In Greenwich Park

I was exhausted and out of breath when I reached Greenwich Park. I thought I had enough time to make it for the sunrise, but I underestimated the distance since I couldn't take shortcuts and had to walk along the main road.

I sat on a bench near the flower garden to rest, and the best view of the London skyline is from near the Royal Observatory, at the very end of the road from the Blackheath entrance. It was quite a walk from where I sat. Although I was exhausted, I got on my feet and started walking again. I didn't have my watch to track my steps, but I knew I had already reached my goal of 20k steps a day.

I used a small entrance to get into the park, and you can go through the flower garden to get to the main entrance, but I preferred to walk around it, as the beautiful cherry blossoms in the garden would've been too distracting. I was anxious to make it in time to see the sunrise before the sun was high in the sky. I highly recommend a visit to Greenwich Park Flower Garden; it's breathtaking in spring and summer.

There were mostly joggers in the park and a few random people like myself who came to enjoy a quiet moment at sunrise. Greenwich Park is a popular tourist spot, and it's been one of my favourite places in London since my first trip to the city as a student in the late 00s. It's always packed with tourists, families, locals, and students.

It's located in Greenwich Town Centre, where you can find Greenwich Market, retail stores, restaurants, coffee shops and more. The Queen's House, The Cutty Sark, The National Maritime Museum, and Greenwich Pier are just a few minutes' walk away from the park, which makes it an ideal destination for a fun day out.

So it gets very busy during the day, and if you want to enjoy a quiet moment in this beautiful park, I recommend a visit early in the morning. The view of the London Skyline in the morning glow is worth getting out of bed.

Ranger's House in the flower garden

A Sun Glowing Over London

"London is so beautiful at sunrise", I thought to myself as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and started taking photos. I have been visiting Greenwich Park for years, but it was my first time seeing the sun glow over the park and London.

I walked as fast as I could to the observatory hill, and my feet hurt so much that I wanted to take off my trainers, but it was worth it. It brought me peace to look at London's skyline in the morning sunlight. I have been doubting myself a lot lately, and I can't wait to leave this city, as I'm feeling out of place here, but nothing mattered in that moment.

Except for the silence, the rosy sunrise and the beautiful spring flowers. My mind was blank, and I was at peace, so I left the observatory hill to head to the rose garden. I couldn't think of a better moment to look at my favourite flower, and instead of going straight there, I took a little detour by the cherry blossom alley.

Greenwich Park is one of the best parks in London to see the cherry blossoms in spring. The blossoms seemed late this year, as they were just starting to bloom during my visit, but it was still an amazing view. The Ranger's House looked so beautiful in the first rays of sunlight through the cherry blossoms.

Walking down the alley to head to the rose garden reminded me of why Greenwich Park will always be one of my favourite places in London. There weren't any roses in the garden yet, but I saw some beautiful tulips and cherry blossoms, which made me happy.

If I'm still in London next spring, I would love to visit Kyoto Garden again. It doesn't usually come up when people talk about the best places to see cherry blossoms in London, but it's a Japanese garden. So I might see some cherry blossoms, and the waterfall alone is worth the visit, to be honest. I wanted to share this moment with you, hoping to inspire you to visit Greenwich Park when London is still quiet and "slow".

St Mary's Lodge in Greenwich Park

I share my thoughts on my podcast The Hushed Journal, available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. New episodes on Wednesdays and Sundays; feel free to join me for a chat. See the links below

Spotify Apple Podcasts

Thank you for reading!

I turned 42 this week, and instead of going out for a meal since I'm on my own, I decided to treat myself to a homemade pizza. It wasn't just any pizza; I made my very first pizza from scratch. I even took it a step further by making my first seafood pizza.

As a pescatarian, it's the best pizza I could make. It's a shame I didn't have salmon, but I improvised with smoked cod instead, and it was delicious. To be honest, there is still room for improvement, and I'll get better with more practice, but still, I did well on my first pizza and can't wait to make another one.

Why did I choose a homemade pizza instead of ordering one, especially on my birthday, and why was I so confident I could make one? I mentioned in a previous post that I took up baking as a hobby after moving to London. At first, I focused mostly on baking cakes, and then in December, I bought myself a Dutch oven as a Christmas present.

Although I didn't start using it until the end of March, that's when I baked my first bread, and since then, I no longer buy bread from the store. And once you know how to make bread, it's a lot easier to make your pizza base from scratch.

It was my first time making a pizza, but I've been using pizza dough to make garlic bread pizza at home for the last few weeks. I wanted to experience shaping my dough by making garlic bread before the pizza, and I'm glad I did; my garlic bread pizza didn't have this beautiful shape.

I was confident because I've been baking bread, buns, and garlic bread from scratch lately. The pizza actually turned out better than expected, which is why I'm making this post. I wanted to share this moment and show you my very first homemade pizza!

I laughed at the cod on the pizza

Making The Dough from Scratch

To make the dough for my pizza base, I used:

Water: 1 and 1/2 cups

Yeast: 1 and 1/2 packets

Bread Flour: 2 cups

Fine Semolina: 1 cup

Salt: 1/2 Tbsp

Sugar: 1/2 Tsp

Olive oil: 2 Tbsp

Cornmeal: for dusting

I mixed water, yeast, salt and sugar in a bowl, then let it rest for 10 minutes to activate the yeast. After 10 minutes, I added bread flour and semolina, and kneaded them together for 5 minutes. I covered the bowl with a kitchen towel and let it rest for 30 minutes. After the rest time, I added olive oil to the dough, kneaded for another 10 minutes and let it rest again for 1 hour. An hour later, I dusted the kitchen worktop with cornmeal, transferred the dough onto it, kneaded and stretched the dough for 10 minutes, then cut it into 3 pieces. I put 2 pieces in the freezer, kneaded and covered the remaining one to let it rest for 10 minutes. I turned the oven on and started shaping the dough, and once I had a round base, I added the sauce and toppings.

This step made me lose some confidence

Pizza Sauce and Pescatarian Toppings

Although I didn't have a recipe, I also made the pizza sauce from scratch with fresh ingredients. I made it with the ingredients I had available at home, and I won't share my pizza sauce yet as it still needs improvement. It turned out to be a good thing to blend carrots with the tomatoes, as it gave the sauce a unique taste, and I loved it. I didn't have Italian herbs at the time, and I've been wondering whether to add them to the dough or the sauce next time.

I used 2 types of mozzarella for the toppings. The first layer after the sauce was grated mozzarella and smoked cod, as I ran out of salmon. I know it's "criminal" to add any other fish than salmon on a pizza, but it was delicious.

It was my first other fish pizza, and I can't recommend it enough to my fellow pescatarians. I also added green onions, parsley, another layer of grated mozzarella and finally some mozzarella pieces on top. I was also planning to add a few spinach leaves, but forgot, and that's why my pizza is missing some greens.

I lost some of my confidence after adding the toppings, as it seemed like it was still missing something, but it was my birthday. I wasn't planning to spend the day trying to make the perfect pizza, so I put it in the oven anyway, hoping that it would be good enough for a celebration. And if it wasn't, it would make the day unforgettable. I mean, who gets to eat a bad pizza on their birthday?!

Look at all that melting cheese

Making Healthier Pizzas

I'm currently on a weight loss journey, and even though I wanted to indulge myself for my birthday, I couldn't stop thinking about the calories. So I held back on the sauce and cheese as I wanted it to be healthier, and this is something I've been struggling with on my baking journey.

I want to eat fresh and delicious bread and pizzas often, but I'm worried about gaining weight, and it's making me cut down on some ingredients. I use less butter and sugar in my cakes, which is fine as I mostly bake for myself, but it might become a problem if I share them with other people.

I used just enough sauce for the pizza, held back on the cheese, and there are no tomatoes because I don't like them. Would I still feel so restrained if I weren't just cooking for myself, and would anyone else find this pizza as delicious as I did?!

I absolutely loved the pizza, but I've been thinking of a way to make a healthier base, just like I add a lot of seeds to my bread to make it healthier. What if I make a spinach or courgette pizza base next time? Would it be a lot healthier even if I add a lot of cheese?

For my next pizza, I'll add Italian herbs to the dough and then experiment with different vegetables and spices. I recently made spinach waffles and loved them, so the idea of making a spinach garlic bread came naturally after that.

One of the best things about making your meal from scratch is how creative you can get with your recipes. I've been mixing some foods I would've never tried a few years ago. I wanted to share with you the joy of making my very first pizza, and I hope it won't be the last!

I share my thoughts on my podcast The Hushed Journal, available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. New episodes on Wednesdays and Sundays; feel free to join me for a chat. See the links below.

Spotify Apple Podcasts

Thank you for reading!

"Is bra shopping as stressful for other women as it is for me?! I asked myself as I picked up a t-shirt bra, and then put it back after checking the size. I decided to buy myself a couple of bras for the warm days, as I learned from experience that a lace bra under a t-shirt will draw a lot of attention to a woman with big boobs. The struggle of having big boobs is real, and we don't talk about it enough. I have always been a quiet person who tried not to draw any attention to herself, and it worked pretty well until I hit puberty. Once my body started changing and my breasts got bigger, people couldn't help but notice me.

In my teens, I was tall for my age, very skinny, with big boobs, so people would look at me in awe at the size of my boobs. I was already a D cup at 15 and was so embarrassed by their size that I started hunching my back to hide them. I remember my mum slapping me on the back every time I walked past her; don't even get me started with the jokes men made about me. There was this time when I walked into a store to buy a few things, and the cashier asked me, "How is the baby?" I was confused and replied, "What baby? I'm just 15, I don't have a baby. Then he said Oh my god, what's up with the boobs...

I have been carrying a big load on my chest since hitting puberty; my boobs were already so big at a young age that it made me feel self-conscious. Most women's breasts shrink after childbirth, yet mine got bigger after 2 pregnancies, and I'm now a G cup in my 40s. Every time I hear some women say how much they would love to have bigger boobs, I usually just chuckle. I have been carrying a big load on my chest for over 3 decades, and if I had the chance to relive my life all over again, I'd wish for smaller boobs. Some people might want or lust for big boobs, but most women who have them naturally will tell you what a struggle it is to shop for clothes and bras that fit and deal with back pain...

The struggle these boobs have put me through

The Struggle to Find A Fitting Bra

Nothing stresses me more than the lingerie section of a clothing store. I mean, it's so hard to find a good-fitting bra from DDs. After my second pregnancy, I went from DD to G, and I only found the right size after purchasing multiple bras that didn't fit at all. I still have some of them at home, and I'm still delusional enough to think that my boobs will shrink one day so that a D cup will fit me again. Although I'm a grown and confident woman, I still feel self-conscious when I'm out shopping for lingerie. It used to feel like a walk of shame to go to the cashier after picking up a few bras; it made me wonder if they would laugh at the size of my bra or make a joke with their colleagues after I'm gone.

I know people are losing their jobs due to self-checkouts, but I'm grateful for them when shopping for lingerie. My love for sexy and cute lingerie started when I was a teen; even though I wasn't allowed to date, I always wore nice underwear. It's actually one of my aunts who bought me my first lace underwear and bra, complete with hold-ups. My mother was so mad when I got home that she told me to never visit my aunt again. She had a pretty bad reputation, but I thought she was cool and told me to always have nice underwear, no matter how raggedy I may look. I took her advice and have been spending a lot of money on lingerie even though I'm not in a relationship with anyone.

So I go all out when I'm shopping for a bra and underwear, as a woman with big boobs, a fitting bra doesn't come cheap. It's always worth it to invest in a fitted bra, as it helps with back pain, so having big boobs is costly, painful and stressful. I usually just chuckle when I hear some women talk about how they would love to have big boobs. Do you know what else is hard to find when you have big boobs?! Clothes that fit and make you look good. I'm currently on a weight loss journey and look smaller than I did last year, but my clothes are still 2 sizes bigger to have enough room for my boobs.

The angle matters a lot.

Your Looks Depend On The Angle

As I mentioned above, I don't wear tight-fitting clothes or clothes in my size to have enough room around my chest. It's the reason I didn't realise I had gained weight during the lockdown. My clothes are always 2 to 3 sizes bigger and have always been after puberty. So it makes no difference whether I lose weight or not; I'll still look fat and wear bigger clothes, which isn't bad, as it saves me money. It's just that I don't like looking at myself from the side; to be honest, my boobs make me look bigger than I am, and it's frustrating when I'm putting in so much effort into losing weight.

When you have big boobs, you have to be extra careful when picking an outfit. I'm a tall woman, so I get away with most outfits, but I still avoid tight clothes and wear t-shirts and strap dresses only with a shirt on top. I don't usually show my arms and shoulders, and prefer forward-facing rather than my side when taking photos or speaking to people. A slouching posture makes my boobs look bigger and lower, whether I'm standing or sitting, so I'm always trying to have good posture, even though it aches my back to sit or stand for too long. My breasts are the main reason I'm camera-shy, as I usually don't like the way I look in photos, but I've been making a lot of effort since starting my solo travel journey.

It would be a shame to visit a new country or city without taking any photos, and I took the photos above during a recent trip to Manchester. This is a start, considering that I don't post photos of myself on this blog, but I wanted to give you an idea of what I mean by the struggle of having big boobs. I'm not the only woman in my family to have big boobs; one of my sisters even had reduction surgery. She looks so much better now, and her back pain is gone. I thought about getting one instead of going to Japan, but what would be the point now?! I'd rather support my daughters if they inherit these boobs and need to get reduction surgery to ease the "burden"...

I share my thoughts on my podcast The Hushed Journal, available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. New episodes on Wednesdays and Sundays; feel free to join me for a chat. See the links below

Spotify Apple Podcasts

Thank you for reading!

Westminster At Sunset

Things To Do in Westminster

When That 00s Nostalgia Hits You

What I Miss About The 00s

What To Bring Back From The 00s

Japanese Mysteries With Kindaichi

Beautiful Writing And Ingenious Plot

Do I Still Know What Love Is

Learning To Love Again

Rosy Sunrise In Greenwich Park

A Sun Glowing Over London

Making The Dough from Scratch

Pizza Sauce and Pescatarian Toppings

Making Healthier Pizzas

The Struggle to Find A Fitting Bra

Your Looks Depend On The Angle

ABOUT ME

Featured Post

Learning To Love Again

SUBSCRIBE & FOLLOW

POPULAR POSTS

Chat with Salomé

Categories

Blog Archive

Contact Form

Search This Blog

The Hushed Journal

Labels