I was in my early 30s when I broke up with the father of my daughters, and I haven't been in another relationship since, even though I'll turn 42 next month. Some people think I'm still single because I'm in love with him, but they couldn't be more wrong. As a conservative woman, dating has never been easy for me due to my upbringing. The truth is, I don't have much dating experience, and maybe I also lack the patience a woman needs these days to get a man.
I had tried dating, but it made me feel like I had to chase a man and convince him to be with me. I grew up in a time when men expressed their feelings and pursued women when they wanted them, and what's the point of being with someone if you have to list the reasons they should be with you if they can't see it for themselves?! When I like a man, I'll show interest, and if the feeling isn't mutual, I'd rather move on than cling to him, hoping that his feelings will change one day.
Is that the reason I haven't been in a relationship for years? I can't say for sure, but I honestly believe that a man would move mountains if he's into you. So every time a man I was talking to started playing hard to get, I lost interest and moved on, thinking he's not that into me, because if he was, he wouldn't make it so difficult for us to be together. As a working single mother, my life wasn't easy, and the last thing I needed was to stress over a man. So at some point, I just gave up and told myself that if there is a man out there for me, I'll meet him sooner or later, and that's how I ended up where I am today.
Alone And Single In My 40s
I have been on my own since my daughters went to live with their dad nearly 2 years ago, and loneliness kicked in only after moving to London. When I was raising my daughters alone, I dreamed of the day I'd finally be alone, free of any responsibilities, finally living my life and doing all the things I'd put on hold. I certainly enjoy the freedom that comes with being on your own. I've been travelling a lot and living life to the fullest, but I'm lonely.
I haven't given up on love and would love to find someone to share these moments with, but dating is so draining these days. I still haven't met a man who has made me want him. Things start well, then they play hard to get and try to manipulate me since I seem naive and oblivious. Things aren't always what they seem, especially since I'm a woman who has been surviving on her own; a man who will take advantage of me hasn't been born yet.
I genuinely want to meet a man to connect with, but with today's dating scene, I feel like I'm better off alone. I actually made peace with myself in my late 30s when it became clear that I might end up alone for the rest of my life. I'm fine with it, as I believe it's better to be alone than be in a bad relationship, and I'm speaking from experience. Making peace with myself regarding love and marriage doesn't mean my family approves, especially my mother. Marriage is a fundamental cornerstone of a conservative family, and it's embarrassing to my family to have a daughter of my age who still isn't married, regardless of what I've done with my life!
Family Pressure To Get Married
My mother was furious when she found out that I was planning to go to Japan this year. She made it very clear to me that getting myself a boyfriend and finally getting married were more important than a trip to Japan. I'm an adult and don't need my mother's permission, but she's the only parent I have left, and I understand why she's worried about me.
It's most mothers' dream to see their daughter get married, and this is something my mother hasn't experienced yet. I know people laugh behind her back, and I might argue that she brought it on herself for being so strict with me growing up, but she's my mother. She knows how important it is for me to make the trip to Japan, but she isn't getting younger and wants to see me married before it's too late.
I wish I could make it happen, but it isn't something I can control. I can't force a man to be with me, let alone marry me. I'm already in my 40s. Is marriage even still possible at my age? Who knows what's meant to be will be. If there is really a man out there for me, I'll meet him one day, and if not, I was meant to remain single for the rest of my life!
I share my thoughts on my podcast The Hushed Journal, available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. New episodes on Wednesdays and Sundays; feel free to join me for a chat. See the links below
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