Candid Memoir

As a woman of African descent, raised by immigrant parents and who grew up on homemade meals inspired by my home country and French cuisine. I started including noodles and rice in my diet only after becoming a pescatarian to diversify my meals. It doesn't mean I didn't enjoy them from time to time. Whenever I wanted to treat my daughters to a meal for a change, they always chose a Japanese restaurant. It became a ritual to eat at a Japanese restaurant at least once a month; my eldest daughter loves soba noodles and karaage. As for my youngest daughter, she loves udon and oyakodon.

I won't tell you what my favourite Japanese dish is, but I can tell you this much, though: I love both noodle and rice dishes and take inspiration from Asian cuisine when making them. Although I'm a decent cook, I'm not confident enough to "brag" about my dishes inspired by Chinese and Japanese cuisine, but let me tell you how I made delicious teriyaki noodles without a recipe. I use a lot of Asian ingredients in my daily cooking as I love well-seasoned food and don't mind mixing African and Asian seasoning.

What I Keep In My Pantry

Before we dive into the delicious noodles, I want to share with you what I keep in my pantry. These items are essentials as I make my meals from scratch to save money and for a healthier lifestyle. As I explained in my post How I Became A Pescatarian, I don't eat out that much, and when I do, I usually go to a sushi bar or a cafe. To be honest with you, I prefer to make my own meals, which is why my pantry is always stocked. You will always find these ingredients in my pantry:

Dried seasoning
Coarse sea salt
Curry sauce
Soy sauce
Oyster/teriyaki sauce
Miso paste
Tofu
Sesame/olive Oil
Pasta
Egg
Rice
Sesame seeds
Wakame seaweed
Herbal tea
Flour
Tortilla wraps

There is a lot more in my pantry, of course, but I never run out of these, and they're a lifesaver when I'm broke. I picked up a pretty expensive hobby when I started my solo travel journey, especially in this economy, and it's been hurting my bank account a little.

These chopsticks were gifted to me at a Japanese restaurant in Manchester

Egg, Miso & Pak Choi

I used to be disgusted whenever I saw people add raw egg to noodles and wondered how they were able to eat them."That will never be me," I used to think until I started cooking noodles and rice at home. Anyone who cooks knows how hard it is to decide on what to eat after a long day. So I started contemplating the idea of adding egg when I ran out of ideas, thinking it can't be that bad if people are doing it. Now I hardly make noodles or rice without including an egg in the dish. I also started making my own noodle sauce after watching a few videos on how to make miso soup at home.

I often watch Japanese cooking videos on NHK and YouTube. My favourite channel is Miwa's Japanese Cooking. I learned so much from watching her videos, and now I can even make a decent miso soup by my own standard, I have to say. She helped me experience Japanese cuisine at home, and that's how I started including miso in my daily diet, which inspired me to start making noodle sauce from scratch. Then I made udon for my youngest daughter at least once a week, and she loved it. If you need inspiration for making Japanese food, check out NHK or click the link above.

Pak choi was an ingredient I added to my noodles only every now and then until a couple of months ago, when I made pak choi soup. It's now one of my favourite vegetables, and I use it in noodles, rice and salad. Now that I think about it, it's been a while since I had pak choi and salmon salad. Anyway, it's probably funny for someone who has never been to Japan to eat miso every day. I'm not even sure if it's good quality miso paste, but miso soup is delicious and has been good for me!

Making Teriyaki Noodles With No Recipe

It would be a lie to say that the inspiration to make these teriyaki noodles came out of thin air; this dish was made using the experience gained while trying Asian cuisine. I didn't need a recipe because I wasn't trying to make authentic Chinese or Japanese noodles; I was just making a meal from scratch with what I had in my pantry. Most Asian people would probably be horrified by how I made the dish since I didn't follow any "rules" or "guide", but the point wasn't to recreate an authentic dish.

I wanted to make something delicious, inspired by Asian cuisine, with a personal twist, and that's how I made my homemade teriyaki noodles. I didn't take photos of the process as mentioned above; I'm not confident enough to brag about my cooking skills. So these are the ingredients used to make the dish:

4 King Prawns
1 Egg
1 sliced Pak choi
1 Cup diced mushrooms
1 Sliced carrot
1 Tbsp minced Bell pepper
1 Tbsp minced onions
1/2 Tbsp minced garlic
1 Tbsp minced spring onion
1 Tbsp sesame seeds
2 Tbsp sesame oil
1 Pack of dried noodles

The type of noodles I used could be stir-fried straight from the package, but I preferred to put them in boiling water for a few minutes. While they were in hot water, I started frying the diced mushrooms, bell pepper, onions, and garlic. Then I added the king prawns to the mix with 2 tablespoons of light soy sauce and fried them for a few minutes at a low temperature. Once the noodles were ready and drained, I also added them to the mix with a tablespoon of dark soy sauce. After mixing for a few more minutes, I threw in my homemade noodle sauce. I mixed it again, added an egg to the noodles, then covered it by pulling some noodles on top.

I stopped stirring at this point and added teriyaki sauce and spring onions on top. I stirred lightly to mix in the sauce and spring onions. I made herbal tea while it cooled, then put some on my plate and sprinkled sesame seeds. The egg ended up at the bottom of the plate, which is why it isn't visible in the picture. This is by far the best noodles I've made to date, and I would love to make them again, but I'm not sure if I will be able to create the flavour...

I went to York for the first time in the spring of 2024 for a day trip. York is one of the best cities to visit in the UK. So I was excited to finally make the trip after hearing so many good things about the city. I had started my solo travel journey a couple of months earlier, and made some beginner's mistakes. I travelled to York in early March, which is still pretty cold in the north, and I wasn't dressed for the weather. It also didn't help that it was a rainy day, so I ended up seeing only York Minster and the city walls, and spent the rest of my day cafe-hopping to stay dry and warm.

My first trip to York wasn't exactly how I pictured it. I promised myself I would plan another trip and make sure to fully explore the city. I went back to York for an overnight stay a few weeks before Christmas. I made the trip for a job interview and shared my journey on YouTube. I just had enough time to visit The Shambles and York Minster before heading to my interview, for which I received a job offer. I turned it down and honestly didn't think I would be going back there anytime soon, but I did. I went to York for the third time and finally got to fully appreciate the beauty of this walled city in the north of England.

After living in the north of England for many years and having to leave due to bad experiences, I had no interest in going back after moving to London. I thought my time in the north was over, but York keeps calling me, and I'm starting to fall in love with the city. It has a rich and beautiful history, the people are friendly, and it would be perfect for someone who wants to live a balanced lifestyle.

The Shambles And The City Walls

When I started my solo travel journey, I was more interested in adding new cities to my list of places I've been to than having a touristy experience. So I planned my trips on a budget and looked only for free or cheap activities to do during my visit. I spent more time walking around a city, visiting museums and libraries, than going to a famous landmark. My first tip to York was no exception; I started by walking around The Shambles, where I had a delicious cinnamon roll and latte. From there, I headed to York Minster, which is just a few minutes' walk away.

I didn't book a visit inside the Minster, so I went for a walk in the Minster's Garden. The garden was breathtaking in early spring with its cherry blossoms. I sat at a bench and took a moment to admire the scenery. The garden and streets were filled with tourists, but I was at peace; the moment of contemplation was cut short due to the rain. I found refuge in a cosy and vintage cafe down the street, where I enjoyed another latte before heading to the city walls.

The stairs leading to the walls were steep, and I probably annoyed the people behind me for climbing so slowly, but I'm afraid of heights. I usually avoid going to high places, but I couldn't skip a walk on York's city walls, as the city used to be a Roman fortress. York has Roman and Viking roots, and I had to walk on the City Walls as it is part of York's history. On my second trip, I went back to York Minster, but it was closed for renovation. I travelled around Christmas, and most tourists don't visit York in Winter.

Cliffords Tower

A Beautiful City And Its Friendly People

I would've never thought of visiting York in winter if I hadn't had a job interview there around Christmas last year. The city was quite a sight with all the Christmas decorations, and my favourite part of the trip was interacting with locals and listening to Christmas Carols on the streets. There were also quite a few street performances despite the cold and rain, which made the city feel lively.

York is now one of the few UK cities that I have visited more than twice. And there is still so much to see and do. I don't think I'm quite done with it yet. I still haven't had a real meal in York. During my first trip, I only had a cinnamon roll and lattes. On my second trip, I had breakfast in my hotel, and I ate so much that I didn't eat anything until I was in Leeds, heading back to London.

I would love to explore York's food scene one day, preferably in autumn when the leaves start turning golden yellow. York is just a little over an hour away from London by train, and the tickets are quite cheap when purchased in advance. On my third trip, a return ticket cost £58, and I travelled from King's Cross station to York. I had such a great time visiting York that I can't recommend it enough. I had an amazing time without breaking the bank; there are plenty of free and cheap activities to enjoy if you're on a tight budget.

Roman Crest on the City Walls

The most common question I'm asked since becoming a pescatarian is, "Did you just wake up one day and decide to give up on meat?" I usually laugh, thinking, "If only you knew how much I loved eating meat until a few years ago"

I grew up in a family without any dietary requirements for health or religious reasons, and we loved eating meat more than fish. I didn't eat fish that much when I was younger, as I preferred meat and chicken. I was a nightmare in the kitchen when my mother was teaching me how to cook, as I almost ate all the meat before the food was ready. So it came as a shock to my family when I told them I had become a pescatarian.

It made no sense to them that someone who loved meat so much would give it up for no reason; even my daughters were confused. So I understand why people would ask if it was an overnight decision. The truth is, I started losing my appetite for meat after my second pregnancy. After giving birth to my youngest daughter, meat didn't taste the same anymore, and I kept eating it for a few years, but the taste was off.

When Your Taste Buds Change

Most people wouldn't give up on something they love without a good reason. It's certainly not a decision you can make overnight, and that's something most people don't seem to comprehend when I say I'm a pescatarian. It all started during my second pregnancy in 2013. It's no secret that a pregnancy changes a woman's appearance, mood and taste buds; mine also had some health complications.

I didn't have cravings, but couldn't stand red meat, regardless of how I cooked it. It was bland and tasted like paper. I didn't think much of it, as a woman can love something she usually hates during a pregnancy and vice versa. I thought my taste buds would return to normal after the baby was born, but that didn't happen. If anything, red meat became tasteless, even though I still enjoyed eating chicken.

I loved eating chicken as much as red meat and didn't have to give it up, but I was on a self-discovery journey and wanted to see if I could improve my life and health with a new diet. I had no interest in becoming a vegan, so I chose to include fish and seafood in a vegetarian diet, and now I'm a pescatarian.

Embracing A Pescatarian Lifestyle

When I started my journey as a pescatarian, I had already stopped eating meat. However, I wanted to do it gradually with chicken, as I still loved it. The plan was to eat chicken once a week until I could fully include fish and seafood in my diet. I honestly thought it wouldn't be easy to become a pescatarian, but I had fully included fish in my diet by the second week and stopped eating poultry by the third.

It was so fast and easy for me to embrace a pescatarian lifestyle that I still cooked meat and poultry for my daughters without being bothered. The decision to become a pescatarian was mine, and I didn't want to impose my new diet on my daughters, so they kept eating their meat while I had fish. Living a pescatarian life isn't cheap, and when you add my daughters' love for meat, my food expenses went up.

At first, I wasn't sure if I could do it, but it's been over 4 years, and I haven't looked back since becoming a pescatarian. I don't miss eating meat, and my health has improved. I still need to work harder on my weight loss, though. Overall, I'm happy with this lifestyle, and I don't regret giving up on meat and poultry!

"The groundwork for all happiness is good health"

I have been self-studying Japanese seriously since I made plans to visit Japan in October 2025. I wanted to spend a couple of months attending a language school in Fukuoka, while exploring the country, and I wanted to go with some basic knowledge of the language. As I've mentioned in previous posts, anime gave me some happy childhood memories and made me feel less lonely. I have been into Japanese music, dramas and movies for years, so it felt normal for me to want to learn the language.

Although I understand Japanese due to my interest in anime and dramas, I can't speak or read the language. There are many books and manga without French or English translation that I would love to read. That's why in Spring 2024, I bought some Japanese textbooks to self-study before my trip to Japan. As you already know, I couldn't make the trip last year, but I'm still learning Japanese on my own. I listen to podcasts during my commute and practice Hiragana whenever I have time.

It's been going well, but I have to admit that I feel stuck; it seems like I haven't been making any progress with my reading and speaking. I don't have anyone to speak to, which is understandable, and I'm planning to go to Japan this summer for a few days. It would be a good opportunity to improve my language skills and finally make my childhood dream come true. I know Summer isn't the best time to visit Japan, and I was thinking of going in spring for my birthday, but I want to watch the new Kingdom movie in cinemas when it's screening in Japan.

My Motivation To Learn Kanji

Would you believe it if I said my motivation for learning Japanese is to read a light novel called The 12 Kingdoms by Fuyumi Ono? I know that's putting in a lot of effort just to read a book, but The 12 Kingdoms isn't just any book; it's a masterpiece. I would love to know how the story ends, and as there are no foreign language translations available, I have no other choice but to learn Japanese. I learned English to enhance my job prospects and to communicate effectively with people from around the world. Now I'm learning Japanese to know the ending of an amazing piece of writing.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I came across an anime called The 12 Kingdoms. I was stuck at home with a big belly and didn't have much to do, so I started watching the anime without any expectations, but I was blown away by the story. What was fascinating to me was how I found Youko Nakajima relatable. She went from being quiet and unproblematic to becoming a fierce woman ready to take on monsters and the world.

I saw my younger self in her character building. I was a quiet girl, always trying to please my parents while ignoring my own desires, and I grew up to be the woman I am now: Outspoken and making myself a priority. As good as the anime was, it was cancelled as it caught up to the story, and the novels were still being written, and I would love to know how the story ends. Which is why I'm working so hard on my Japanese, and even if it takes decades, I won't give up until I can finally read The 12 Kingdoms novels.

Japanese Literature Books and Manga

I recently purchased 4 novels by Japanese authors, and the store clerk said, "Are we following a theme?" I laughed and replied I love Japanese storytelling. I'm just happy it's becoming easier to find books and novels by Japanese authors nowadays. Haruki Murakami is certainly my favourite Japanese author, but Seishi Yokomizo's storytelling is fascinating. I bought 2 of his books: Murder at the Black Cat Cafe and The Inugami Curse. It's my first time reading his novels, and I highly recommend picking up one of his books.

As mentioned above, I'm planning a trip to Japan in the summer as a birthday present to myself, and the upcoming Kingdom movie is the reason I chose summer instead of May, my birth month. I have been a fan of Kingdom since watching the anime in 2016. I'm not into CGI anime, but the story was gripping enough to make me check out the manga, as I wanted to know if Shin would achieve his dream of becoming a general. I'm more into reading manga now than anime.

Kingdom is an exception as I love the anime, manga and live action adaptations with Kento Yamazaki. I had some doubts when he was picked to play Shin, but he delivered. I want to have the experience of watching the 5th movie when it releases in Japanese theatres. We'll see if I'll understand Japanese in Tokyo as well as I do here. When I run into Japanese people, I feel like I'm eavesdropping on their conversation. There was a Japanese couple on the bus the other day, and I heard them making plans for the day, like it was any of my business. The same thing happens when I run into French people; in this case, it can't be helped since it's my first language. Still, I wonder why I have trouble understanding Japanese men when they speak!

I went to the doctor's the other day to get a referral, and while I was speaking to the receptionist, she told me that I'm due for a smear test and there is a slot available on the same day. Mind you, I've been ignoring text messages and emails from my previous doctor for a smear test for years, and I felt ambushed since there was no reason to turn her down. A smear test or cervical screening is a preventive test done on women over 25 to find or monitor cells that might cause cancer.

I had my last smear test in 2019. As the daughter of a retired midwife, I understand how important it is for a woman; however, a childhood experience makes it hard for me to go to the doctor's. My period flow became heavier a few years ago, and it's been an embarrassing experience every month as I not only stain my clothes but also the bedding and everything else I sit or sleep on. It even happened at my new job last month, and luckily for me, I was dressed in black, and my coat covered it up.

When it started getting worse each month, I didn't bother making an appointment to see a doctor and even ignored letters and text messages about having a smear test. I went about my life as if it was normal to stain your bedding every month. Although I care about my health, I can't stand doctors and nurses because of my mother. I already mentioned in my post, The Real Reason I'm Still Single, that I grew up in a conservative family, and most traditional families are strict with their daughters. In my case, my mother valued my virginity more than anything and was willing to do whatever it took to keep me a virgin until marriage.

Helicopter Parenting & Trust Issues

As a teenager, my mother fell in love with a boy her parents didn't approve of, and when she got pregnant at 16, she was forced into an arranged marriage with her dad's nephew. She was married off to her cousin to save the family from the embarrassment of having a teenage daughter who had a child out of wedlock in the 60s. All of this could've been avoided if my grandparents accepted my sister's dad and approved their marriage, but preferred to marry her to an abusive cousin. So I often asked myself if my mother was trying her best to prevent me from making the same mistakes she made as a teenager, or if she couldn't be a better mother than my grandmother.

I still remember what my mother told me when I had my period for the first time: "Stay away from boys, your life will be over if you get pregnant". I was 11 years old and lived such a sheltered life; it meant nothing to me, and I thought to myself, "I'm only 11, so why would I want to have a baby?!" I wasn't an outgoing person even as a young girl, and I spent most of my time in my room watching anime or reading books. I wasn't one to make friends easily, and my mother didn't want me to have friends anyway, so I went straight home from school.

I wasn't popular in school, didn't have friends to hang out with and was considered weird for watching anime. Anime may be mainstream and popular now, but it wasn't the case in the late 90s and early 00s, and anyone who showed any interest in Japanese culture was bullied. So I looked forward to going home, and it wasn't about me pretending to be a good girl, even though most girls that age are curious about boys, smoking and alcohol. I felt safer in my bubble and couldn't wait to go back to it until my mother started projecting on me.

Having To Prove My Virginity

My mother was always strict with me, but it became unbearable after I had my first period. I didn't do anything crazy during my rebellious phase. I had a bit of an attitude. Still do, to be honest, but most parents wouldn't have any reason to doubt me since I didn't go out and never gave them any reason to. So you can imagine how I felt the first time my mother took me to the hospital where she used to work to check if I was still a virgin.

No matter how I tried to explain that I don't even know how to talk to boys, let alone have a boyfriend, she didn't believe me. Her answer was "Then you have nothing to worry about if you're still a virgin" When did she want me to get a boyfriend when I was always home and she kept watching me like a hawk. The only men and boys I speak to are family members and friends, and I'm never left alone with them. I was forced to take off my clothes, lie down on a bed and open my legs so they could check if my hymen was still intact.

I was 14 years old, never kissed a boy or had sex, yet one of my mother's colleagues inserted her fingers in me to see if I was still a virgin. I cried the entire time from the pain and humiliation, but more importantly, I was hurt and felt betrayed. How could my own mother do this to me? And it wasn't even the end of it; it became a ritual to go to her hospital every 6 months to prove my virginity. The experience made me lose interest in boys, if it was that painful to check a girl's virginity. I can't even imagine how painful it would be to have sex with a boy, and that's the reason I didn't start dating until I was older.

Struggling With Intimacy

I had to prove my virginity to my mother for years, and needless to say, it isn't easy for me to be intimate with a man. Any forplay that involves fingers is a hard no, as it reminds me of my experience as a teenager. I haven't been with a man since I broke up with the father of my children, and even though I've been single for years, it's still not easy for me to be intimate with a man. I can let a man touch me only if I really like him, which doesn't happen often, even though I want to date. I'm also not sure how a man would react if I told him that I don't like having fingers in a certain part of my body.

It's one of the reasons it doesn't bother me to be single. I had to part ways with men who didn't like it, and I don't feel like playing the dating lottery by going on a lot of dates to see if there is a man out there who would be fine with it. It's too troublesome, so I'll keep living my life quietly, even though I would like to fall in love again. But I wouldn't hold my breath considering how messy the dating scene is nowadays. My mother didn't want boys to touch me and made me go through an experience I still can't get over, and now she's praying to God every day to send me a husband. How ironic, most people meet their spouse in school, university or through friends. I was a loner, a late bloomer, and my mother didn't want me to socialise.

She threw daggers with her eyes every time I spoke to a man who wasn't family or a friend, so how exactly did she expect me to meet this husband? She wanted me to marry her friend's son, but I said no because she should've known better, as a woman who was forced into an arranged marriage. This is a learning experience for both of us. In her next life, she will be less overbearing and let her daughter live her life as she sees fit. And in my next life, I won't be the same boring and obedient girl; I will speak up and stand up for myself, take risks and more importantly, do what makes me happy instead of trying to meet my parents' expectations!

When I moved to London in the summer of 2025, I started thinking about taking up new hobbies. I have been a vintage collector for years, and it was time to find a new hobby as I didn't think it would fit my new lifestyle. I'm living in a shared house and don't have enough space for collectables, even though I still love them. It was also time to take a break from crochet, which I learned from YouTube tutorials and is one of my best skills as a mother.

It was always a joy to make scarves and gloves for my daughters and myself, but I'm on a solo travel journey and don't have time to sit around crocheting except for special occasions. Having a hobby has helped me through stressful times while improving myself, which is why it was important to find a new one after my move to London.

After giving it some thought, I decided to take up photography and baking; photography seems like an ideal hobby for a solo traveller. Baking is a pretty bold choice for me, as I already tried it and failed. The truth is, I sucked so much at baking that my daughters wouldn't eat anything I made. After becoming a mother, I thought about making homemade treats for my daughters, but I failed miserably!

Starting My Baking Journey

When I think about it, baking isn't a hobby that someone on a weight loss journey would pick, but I'm glad I did, even though it's making it hard to stay away from homemade cakes. I'm not sure what happened after I moved to London to improve my skills, but I can now bake, and I couldn't believe it when I made my first blueberry bread. It wasn't perfect by any means, but it was good enough to be praised by housemates, which boosted my confidence.

It was even better with the banana bread I made afterwards. It was so good I considered taking baking lessons, I even applied for a course, but had to change my plans. I've been thinking about retirement and what I'll do when the time comes, so baking could be a good way to keep busy and earn some money. It's the main reason I enrolled on the course, but I'm leaving London soon, and will have to do it where I'm moving.

I'm going to focus on improving myself until I take lessons from a professional, and I'm so motivated that my pantry is now full of baking ingredients. I've been trying different recipes and even came up with a couple of my own, which brings me to the topic of this post. I forgot to add an important ingredient when baking an apple cake, and it turned out to be one of those moments when you make something good by mistake.

When You Make Something Good By Mistake

I always like spending time in my room, but even more so now that I live in a shared house. I'm still not used to sharing a kitchen with people, and I get overwhelmed when it's crowded. Whenever I want to cook, I try to make the most of my time there by meal prepping and making meals for at least a couple of days. It saves time and money, but more importantly, I get to go in the kitchen only to get a drink, food or snacks.

So I was cooking the other day when I thought about making an apple cake while waiting for the food to be ready. I didn't want to go back later to bake. I already prepped the apples I wanted to use for the cake; I diced and marinated them in syrup and cinnamon for a couple of days. I tried this process the second time I baked an apple cake. I had some leftover apples from making pickles, and instead of eating them, I diced and put them in a jar with maple syrup, cinnamon and cloves.

As a frugal person, I'm always thinking of ways to save money, so I started pickling fruits and vegetables to reduce food waste. I used the marinated leftover apple to make an apple cake, and you could smell and taste it in the cake. It was so good I added the process to my recipe, and I wasn't done discovering good things by mistake.

Delicious And Moist Apple Cake

I usually take my tablet to the kitchen when I'm cooking, as it is dangerous to leave the cooker on and go back to my room. That way I can keep an eye on the food while watching a tv show. I was watching Nodame Cantabile on Netflix when I started making an apple cake dough. I was so focused on the drama, I didn't realise I had forgotten to add an important ingredient to the dough. I even left it on the worktop for a few minutes without realising what was missing from the mix.

As a long-time J-dramas fan, it makes me happy to see how accessible they've become over the years, but it's also so distracting. Anyway, once the oven was hot enough, I put in the cake and sat down to continue watching the drama. Nearly 20 minutes after it went into the oven, I suddenly realised that I had forgotten to add sugar to the dough. Can you believe that I was baking a sugarless cake, and what was it even going to taste like?

I prefer sweeteners to sugar in my coffee, but I wasn't thrilled by the idea of eating a cake without sugar, as it's one of the most important ingredients. I panicked for a moment and wondered if I should take it out and throw it away before it finished baking, then again, I don't like wasting food. I wasn't planning on sharing the cake with anyone, so it was fine to bake a sugarless cake for myself. I shrugged it off and kept watching the drama until the cake was ready.

All This Cake Isn't Good For My Weight Loss

I like to put my cake in a plastic container overnight to let the flavour come out. It also tastes better this way, but I was curious about the apple cake since I forgot to add sugar. What I considered a mistake turned out to be a genius moment when I ate a piece of the cake. It was absolutely delicious, and I'm not saying it to pat myself on the back. It is truly the best cake I've made so far, and baking isn't a hobby someone on a weight loss should embrace, but I'm so glad I did.

It's embarrassing to admit, but I ate that cake in one sitting, and there was nothing left in the morning. It was supposed to be for breakfast. I know, cake for breakfast?! Weird, but it keeps full until dinner, as I only have two meals a day. Having a cake with yoghurt in the morning is good for me, and it's helping me lose weight even though I probably gained a couple of kilos eating it in one sitting.

It isn't easy to lose weight in your 40s, and I made it even harder by taking up baking as a hobby. Homemade baking is a healthier option than store-bought treats, but it's still packed with calories, which is why I keep gaining back the weight I'm losing. I don't want to give up on baking, so I'll have to work on my discipline!

After living in England for a few years, I thought it was finally time to visit the beautiful and historic city of Oxford. I originally planned my first trip to Oxford for October 2024. I purchased a return ticket, booked a hotel, and planned my itinerary, but had to cancel due to unforeseen circumstances. I forgot all about it after moving to London, to be honest, until one of my cousins came for a visit this summer and took a day trip to Oxford.

As someone who has been a fan of The Lord of the Rings since my teenage years, her trip to Oxford, the home of J.R.R. Tolkien, was a poignant reminder that I still hadn't been there, despite residing in England for years. A few weeks later, I booked another trip to Oxford for autumn and this time I was planning to make it. I chose autumn again because it's my favourite season and I wanted to see what Oxford looks like in autumn colours.

I had a lot going on at the time, and couldn't be careless with money, but I still wanted to make the trip. So I purchased a return ticket by coach for a day trip. Oxford is just a little over two hours away from London by coach and an hour by train. A day trip was perfect for my first time in the city. I left home at first light to set out on my journey. I had to board the Oxford Tube from Victoria Station, which is far from where I live, and I didn't want to be late.

My First Trip To The Historic City Of Oxford

I left home before the trains started running, so I had to take a bus to Victoria Station, and the journey was nearly two hours. I got there in time to board my coach to Oxford, even though I went to Victoria Coach Station thinking that's where I was travelling from. Oxford Tube is one of the most affordable ways to travel to Oxford; a one-way advanced (cheap) train ticket to Oxford from London was around £50, and I paid only £25 for a return ticket with Oxford Tube.

It was raining lightly when I left London, and I was worried that I might have to walk in the rain for my first visit. I arrived in Oxford a couple of hours later, and it was raining lightly. The first thing I did was to find a cafe for breakfast as I was starving. I walked down the streets blindly until I found one where I had a pain au raisin and a latte. After breakfast, I went to the Westgate shopping centre, which was just a few minutes away. I wasn't looking for anything in particular; I just wanted to see what it looked like. I was sightseeing after all.

It was still too early to visit Christ Church Meadows, so I went to the covered market. I first heard of Oxford University when I was a kid, and it felt surreal to walk down the streets of such a famous and historic city. It happened to be graduation day, and I ran into a few students in their graduation gowns, accompanied by their proud parents. One of the best things about my trip was walking in Oxford's back alleys; it was so picturesque!

A view of a Gothic tower behind a stone gate with iron bars, surrounded by autumn trees

Honey Limestones, Historic Buildings And Fallen Leaves

As I mentioned above, I had a tight budget and couldn't afford the fee to visit most universities. Some offered free entry, but there was a long queue, and I had to go back to London on the same day. It's still possible to have a fun trip without breaking the bank. I stopped by the covered market on my way to Christ Church Meadows, where there were characters from Alice in Wonderland on the market's ceiling. It was fun to walk all over the place looking for my favourite one.

I only found out before my trip that Lewis Carroll was a lecturer at Oxford Christ Church, and the story was inspired by Oxford and its people. There is also a cow covered in Alice in Wonderland characters at Oxford Westgate's shopping centre. The highlight of my trip was looking at the historic buildings made of honey coloured limestones bricks behind the bright colours of autumn. The scenery was breathtaking, and I couldn't help but capture it with my camera.

Nothing screams tourist more than holding a vlogging camera and a DSLR, but it didn't matter; the moment was too beautiful to care how I looked to other people. And that's the moment I knew that I wanted to move to Oxford. I haven't been in London for a year, but I've been thinking about leaving because I feel out of place, and it keeps reminding me of why I left this city when I moved to the UK.

The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday. Steve Maraboli

The Trip That Changed My Life

When I got off the coach after arriving in Oxford, a bus driver told me to have a good day, and I can't remember the last time a stranger was so nice since moving to London. I lived for years in a town where it's normal to greet a stranger on the street or thank your driver, but that's not how it is in London. I wouldn't call people in London unfriendly, but they can get under your skin, and I don't like the person I'm becoming, trying to fit in.

That's the reason I've been thinking about leaving London, but I wasn't sure whether to head back north or move to Scotland or Wales. Now I know exactly where I want to live next, and I couldn't choose a better city than Oxford. Is spending a few hours there enough to make such an important decision? I moved up north after travelling to Manchester for a weekend and stayed for years until last summer. I will take a leap of faith once again, and whatever happens happens!

The cost of my day trip to Oxford came down to £40. I spent £25 on coach tickets and £15 on food. I didn't get to visit the universities, but I had fun walking down the streets, looking at the historic buildings outside, running into Oxford graduates and exploring its back alleys. More importantly, this trip changed my life as it gave me a new purpose, a start to a new life in Oxford. I highly recommend a visit to Oxford, and I hope you'll love it as much as I did!

Christ Church Meadows, behind lined trees in autumn

I went to Manchester for the first time a few months after living in England. At that time, I was living with my sister in London. It was supposed to be just a weekend trip; however, I fell in love with the city and decided to move there. I lived in Manchester until this summer. Life was good until a couple of years ago, when things started to go wrong.

A Life-Changing Experience In Manchester

I was a single woman raising two daughters when a man broke into my house one day. I'm not ready to share more about this, but it was a traumatic experience. I sustained some injuries and now have chronic pain in my shoulder. The worst part was that no one cared enough to help—not even the police. I don’t know what happened to the guy, whether he was arrested or not. It became clear to me that I was on my own.

My daughters weren't physically harmed, but I worried about my ability to protect them if something like this happened again. So, I made the difficult decision to send them to live with their dad. He wasn’t the right man for me, but he loves his daughters and will take good care of them. Since I was also being targeted at work, I packed my bags and left Manchester a few months after my daughters went to live with their dad. It wasn't my hometown, and I had no reason to tolerate the mistreatment.

My Healing Journey in London

I chose to move to London because I have a sister here and needed time to think about my next steps. The plan was to go to Japan, but the wave of xenophobia towards tourists and foreigners put me off, considering my experience in Manchester. So, I decided to settle down in London to begin my healing journey.

I couldn't think of a better city to move on from a bad experience. I started a blog and YouTube channel to share my new journey here in London. It's always been therapeutic for me to put my thoughts into writing. As an introvert and socially awkward woman, this is the best way for me to connect with people. I'm not a big city person either, and I would rather live in a smaller town; however, life has been good in London. I'm in a better place now than I was six months ago.

That's why I decided to go on a trip to Manchester for closure. I can't fully embrace my new life if I'm still holding on to the old one. I needed to know if I had any regrets, was holding a grudge, or had truly moved on from everything that happened. So, I booked a hotel for two nights and purchased a return ticket to Manchester.

Travelling in the UK on a Budget

I went to Manchester by coach; the return ticket cost only £16 ($20) and it took over five hours to travel from London to Manchester. In some countries, travelling by coach might seem like a "poor vibe," but let me tell you, this is the best way to travel around the UK without breaking the bank. I wouldn’t go on a spontaneous trip to Manchester if I had to travel by train. Advanced train tickets can cost up to £300 ($392).

The cheapest option is approximately £50 ($65), and the journey can take over four hours. I got one of those tickets when I went back to return my house key. I had to change trains, and the waiting time was nearly two hours. The worst part was that the train was packed, and I had to stand the entire way to Manchester. It's actually more convenient to travel by coach. I'm going on another trip in a couple of days and will vlog my entire journey.

I stopped using Airbnb when my host ghosted me during a trip to Paris back in April. I found them comfortable and practical until that experience. Two nights in a small hotel in Manchester cost £75 ($98), including breakfast. I wasn't holding my breath, to be honest, but I was pleasantly surprised by how clean and cosy the hotel was. I use Booking.com to find great deals.

A Relaxing Moment at the Trafford Centre

From the coach station, I went straight to Manchester United's stadium, Old Trafford. It was my first destination in Manchester because Man United is my favourite team and one of the reasons I moved to the city. I wanted to create content for my YouTube channel and couldn't think of a better place than the Manchester United ground.

After visiting the stadium, I headed to the Trafford Centre, since it's in the same neighbourhood. I wanted to check out a new Japanese restaurant I had heard so much about to try their sushi. I mostly eat at Japanese restaurants when I'm out and about because it's less stressful for me as a pescatarian. I heard good things about the restaurant and wanted to try their sushi.

Chinese families own many Japanese restaurants in Manchester, although it’s becoming easier to find authentic ones. Keep that in mind if you plan to visit Manchester. After my delicious meal at the restaurant, I returned to Manchester City Centre, where I grabbed some snacks from an Asian supermarket before heading to my hotel.

Sushi and snacks from an Asian supermarket

Sleeping Is Better Than Sightseeing

After checking in, I went to my room, which was located on the third floor. It was quite a struggle to climb the stairs with a heavy backpack and shopping bags. I didn't expect the room to be so big. There was a double bed facing the bedroom door, a single bed on the other side, a kitchen corner, and a desk. The bedroom was separated from the bathroom by a long corridor. From the front door, you have to walk to the end of the corridor to either go to the bathroom or the bedroom.

Staying in a hotel in a city where I had a house a few months ago was a funny experience. It's probably because I lived there for years that I didn't feel like leaving my room to go sightseeing. I had plans to go, but I cancelled them and spent two days in my hotel, eating sushi and snacks that I had purchased the day of my arrival. A relaxing time in my hotel room was actually what I needed after the stress of moving to London.

It may seem pointless to go to another city to lock yourself away in your hotel room, but I'm glad I made this trip. I did nothing but watch J-dramas, laugh at TikTok, and sleep. I was at peace, and that's how I know that my mind and body may not have forgotten, but they've moved on. For anyone travelling to Manchester, I highly recommend the Hazeldean Hotel for affordable accommodation.

Embracing Change and Finding Clarity

As I reflect on my journey, I realise that embracing change is essential for growth. Life can throw unexpected challenges our way, but it’s how we respond that defines our path. I’ve learned to find clarity through honest storytelling and shared experiences. My time in Manchester was not just about revisiting the past; it was about acknowledging it and moving forward.

Every experience, good or bad, shapes who we are. I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned along the way. They’ve helped me build a supportive community around my personal journey of reinvention. So, if you’re feeling lost or unsure, remember that it’s never too late to embrace change.

In the end, my trip to Manchester was about more than just closure; it was a step towards a brighter future. I’m excited to continue sharing my journey and connecting with others who are navigating their own paths. Life is full of possibilities, and I can’t wait to see where mine will lead next.

I visited Kyoto Garden for the first time after moving to London this summer. I had plans to visit Japan in October, as autumn is my favourite season, but I had to cancel due to a change in circumstances. I've been dreaming of going to Japan since I was a teenager, and it wasn't an easy decision to make.

I thought about learning more about Japanese culture here in London until I can finally make the trip. I had heard so much about Kyoto Garden, so it made sense to go there. On a weekday, I left home in the morning to visit Kyoto Garden located in Holland Park. I would like to go before it's flooded with tourists, as it's a popular spot in London.

The journey to Kyoto Garden took nearly two hours, but it was worth it, as I didn't expect to find a corner of Japan in London. It was my first time seeing a Japanese garden in real life, and it was breathtaking and an oasis of calm in a busy city.

Kyoto Garden: A Symbol Of Friendship In London

Before setting off on my journey, I tried to find out more about Kyoto Garden and why there was a corner of Japan in London. Kyoto Garden is a gift from the city of Kyoto to the city of London, as a symbol of friendship between Japan and the UK. The garden opened in 1991 and was designed by Shoji Nakahara.

It isn't just a symbol of the friendship between Japan and the UK, but the garden is also to mark the 1992 Japan Festival in London, which is still held each year. I attended the Japan Matsuri in Trafalgar Square for the first time this summer, and you can watch my vlog from the festival by following this link.

My interest in Japanese culture began with anime, then gradually shifted towards music, food, movies and dramas. As much as I'm interested in the culture, I've never been to Japan, so there's still a lot for me to learn. That's why I visited Kyoto Garden, and it was an amazing experience to walk around the garden, listening to the waterfall while standing by the koi pond.

A stone lantern by a koi pond with a yellow koi in Kyoto Garden

An Oasis Of Calm In London

Life has been unpredictable since starting over in London last summer. I'm still trying to find my place in this beautiful city, and spending a few minutes in Kyoto Garden gave me a much-needed moment of peace. It was such a serene moment to stand by the koi pond and watch the wildlife while listening to the waterfall.

Things haven't been easy for me since I moved to London, but I've found peace while walking around the garden. Nothing mattered but the colourful koi swimming in the pond, the bright colours of autumn, the soothing sound of the waterfall and the fallen leaves paving the ground. The garden isn't big and can be explored in a few minutes, but it's such an oasis of calm in a busy city like London.

It felt like taking a stroll in the garden of an old Japanese house; it was a beautiful and healing moment. After walking around the garden, I sat at a bench to look at the people taking photos in front of the waterfall. I spent less time exploring Kyoto Garden than I did travelling there, but it was worth it. I highly recommend adding Kyoto Garden to your list of places to visit in London!

As a teenager, I read a book called Les Roses De Dublin by Louis Valentin, in which the story takes place in Dublin. I loved it so much that I promised myself to visit Dublin one day; it finally happened in December 2023 when I started my solo travel journey.

I chose Dublin for my first solo trip to make a childhood dream come true, but also because of its proximity and familiarity. I put all my travel plans on hold to care for my daughters, and since becoming a mother, they haven't left my side until they moved in with their dad.

I was unsure if I was ready for my first solo trip, so it was best to choose a European destination that's both close and culturally similar to England or France. Dublin was both affordable and perfect for a first solo trip.

Feeling Nostalgic For The '90s

I went to Dublin for a couple of days, thinking it would be enough for me to visit the city. I travelled in December, and the Christmas decorations were stunning as soon as I landed at the airport. I took a coach from Dublin Airport to the city centre as there is no train connection.

The journey was less than an hour, and Dublin may not be as big as Paris or London, but it has a unique charm that made me fall in love with the city. So I didn't go straight to my Airbnb and went sightseeing first. The Ha'penny Bridge is a landmark I've been meaning to see since I read Les Roses De Dublin.

It felt nostalgic to walk down the streets of Dublin, even though it was my first time in the city, and I suddenly found myself thinking about life in the 90s. Back then, most people didn't have access to mobile phones and the internet, so as a kid, I laughed at my dad's jokes during dinner.

Things I Miss From The '90s

This might come across as biased, but I think our generation had the best childhood growing up in the '90s. Those days were amazing, and as a mother with two preteen daughters, I wanted to share that experience with my daughters. I began collecting vintage items, including porcelain tea sets, chandeliers, VHS tapes, and vintage consoles, among other things.

I had an impressive vintage collection before moving to London, and on my first day in Dublin, I felt nostalgic about the things that made my childhood. Still, I had to leave them behind to keep up with the times, and what I miss the most about the '90s are handwritten letters and postcards. My parents were strict and didn't allow me to make friends in school, so I spent most of my time in my bedroom, watching anime and reading books.

When I was 15, I picked up one of my sister's magazines and came across the pen pal section while flipping the pages. It piqued my curiosity, and I started reading the messages. One stood out to me; a German boy, a couple of years older than me, was looking for friends around the world. I went back to my room and started writing a letter to this boy, as I wanted to be his friend.

My First Handwritten Letter

It took a couple of days to write what I thought was a good letter, and then I sent it to the address he provided in the message. It was the first time I did something without asking my parents first, as I thought they wouldn't let me send the letter. I was nervous and kept wondering if he would be interested in being friends with me. We didn't even speak the same language, what if he wants to be friends with boys only?!

I couldn't sleep for a couple of days after sending the letter, and I checked the letterbox every time I got home from school. Life wasn't convenient back then, as it is nowadays with emails, mobile phones, and apps for almost everything. Handwritten letters were the most common way to communicate; the house phone was also used to stay in touch with friends and family, but it was expensive. I was so anxious to hear back from the German boy that I had a tightness in my throat for days and kept telling myself it was fine if he wasn't interested in being friends with me.

But it wasn't fine, as I could barely eat or sleep, and to be honest, anticipating a letter that might never come is the only thing I don't miss about receiving handwritten letters. I was losing my mind waiting for his response; it took up to two weeks for international mail to arrive back then, and it felt like I had been waiting for months. It finally came when I gave up and moved on. I went straight to my room after school that day without even checking the letterbox, when my mother walked in and handed me an envelope.

The Charm Of Handwritten Letters And Postcards

I opened the envelope without waiting for my mother to leave the room. There was a handwritten letter and a postcard inside, both written in French. He sent me a postcard of his hometown. It's been years, and I can't remember exactly what he said, but it was one of the happiest days of my life. I received a handwritten letter and a postcard from abroad on the same day; it was almost too good to be true for a girl who has no friends.

The uncertainty of getting a response kept me on edge for days, but I was happy I took the initiative to send a letter. When I read his letter, it felt as though we were in the same room talking to each other. I didn't know what he looked like, but I could picture him saying those words to me. He asked his French teacher to help him write the letter, which is why it took so long to hear from him.

I always looked forward to receiving his letters or postcards. We even exchanged photos and spoke on the phone at some point, although we didn't say much, and had some awkward silence. It was a beautiful and innocent friendship, and for the first time, I understood what it meant to be someone's friend through his handwritten letters. We talked about meeting in person, but my mother was against it.

The Warmth And Closeness Of Handwritten Letters

Our friendship lasted over a year, but we eventually grew apart as we each found new interests. It happened decades ago, and I have no idea where he is now, but I'll never forget the excitement I felt expecting one of his letters. It's one of those feelings that stays with you even after the memory starts to fade. A handwritten letter is just words on a piece of paper, but there is warmth and closeness to it that you can't feel from emails.

Although communication is more convenient nowadays, I do miss the charm of handwritten letters, and I wish I had friends to exchange them with. I received my last handwritten letter from a stranger back in 2023. He purchased an item from my vintage collection and sent me a thank-you note afterwards. During my trip to Dublin, I realised that I didn't have to wait for a family member to send a handwritten postcard. I could send them to myself in every city I visit. It was a great way to keep track of the cities I visit while enjoying the charm of handwritten letters and postcards.

The anticipation won't be the same as it would if it came from someone else, but it would be exciting nonetheless. So I purchased some postcards in Dublin and sent them to myself, which were displayed on a board in the corridor at my old house. I have yet to start collecting them since moving to London, and would love to have a friend to exchange postcards with...

Thank you for reading!

In the summer of 2024, I was looking for a new drama series to watch while working from home when I came across Koizora (Sky of Love). I have been watching J-dramas for years, but I've never heard of it, even though the movie starring Hurama Miura and Yui Aragaki came out in 2007, and the drama series a year later.

When I started watching the series, I thought it was another sweet and innocent high school romance. Boy meets girl, and girl falls head over heels for the boy, but I had no idea of what I was getting myself into when I started this beautiful yet painful love story. I didn't experience my first love in high school; in fact, I didn't date until university. However, as a teenager, I had an unrealistic idea of what love was.

Most girls tend to think that their first love will be the man they'll get married to and have children with, at least I did. A breakup or death never came up in any of the scenarios I came up with when I started thinking about love, and Koizora (Sky of Love) shows that love isn't any easier for teenagers and sometimes, it isn't enough to be with the person you love.

Koizora (Sky Of Love): Hiro And Mika

The Koizora (Sky of Love) drama series and movie are based on a mobile novel written by Mika. Mika was a new writer when she submitted a story based on her own experience, which was then published as a book in 2007. A movie adaptation was released in the same year, followed by a drama series in 2008 starring Koji Seto as Hiro and Erena Mizusawa as Mika.

The story follows Mika Tahara, an easygoing high school student who loves taking photos of the sky and has yet to encounter true love. One day, she bumps into a rebellious kid in school, Hiro, who stands out due to his bleached hair and piercings. Hiro leaves a bad impression on Mika, who is put off by his appearance. A few days later, Mika loses her mobile phone while hanging out with her friends, only to find it later on with all her contacts deleted.

From that day on, she received calls from the mysterious boy who deleted her contacts. As they spoke daily on the phone, Mika became interested in the boy, and one day he asked her if they could meet on the first day back to school after summer break. Mika is shocked to find out that the person on the other end of the phone is Hiro Sakurai, the rebellious boy with silver hair. As Mika gets to know Hiro, they fall in love. Little does she know that their love would be beautiful, painful and tragic.

Hiro (Koji Seto) and Mika (Erena Mizusawa) in Koizora, Sky of Love drama

Hiro, Mika And The Other Girl

Hiro had an ex-girlfriend, whom he broke up with before dating Mika. She didn't take it well, as expected and decided to torment Mika for being with Hiro. Mika had nothing to do with their breakup, but she was blinded by jealousy and hired some guys to rape Mika. What happened to her was horrible, and Hiro blamed himself for not being able to protect her. Despite the pain and anger, this awful experience will bring them closer and strengthen their love.

It seemed like nothing could tear them apart, but strategy struck soon after, more than once. I believe I've said enough to make you want to watch the drama or movie; it's worth it, and there is so much to learn from Hiro and Mika's story. Their love was intense for their age, and it is the type of love that can easily go wrong. Hiro was a gentle soul despite his rebellious look. His feelings for Mika were genuine, and he stayed true to himself until the end, even though I don't agree with some of the decisions he made.

Hiro was Mika's first love, and she loved him with all her heart. She didn't blame him or walk away when his ex-girlfriend was tormenting her. She was always there for him, and later on would come back to be by his side after he pushed her away. It brought her so much pain to love him, yet she never had any regrets. She seemed sweet and delicate, but Mika is an amazing girl who was able to recover from a horrible experience and grief.

The Boy Who Became The Sky

Mika's impression of Hiro is that he was like a river, looking ahead without ever stopping! This was reaffirmed when Hiro took her to his favourite place, and she told him. You really are like a river, to which Hiro replied, I would rather be like the sky so that I can always find you wherever you go. It's one of the most beautiful and emotional scenes in Koizora. When I was halfway through the drama in 2024, I remember saying to myself, May this type of love never find me.

Falling in love with Hiro felt like a punishment for Mika; they had happy moments, but she went through so much just for loving him, and it was heartbreaking to watch. I cried my eyes out the entire time, and after watching the movie the other night, I now think their story has some valuable life lessons I didn't want to acknowledge at the time.

Happiness isn't always easy and might not last forever
Young love can be intense and painful
Loving someone can get you hurt
Don't make decisions for the other person; give them a choice
You can still love someone and choose to move on
Love won't spare you grief and pain

Koizora (Sky of Love) is a tale of a beautiful and tragic love story between two high schoolers. It perfectly captures the realities of life, and love isn't easy for teenagers. Jealousy can turn a cute high school girl into a crazy ex-girlfriend, and your first love might not have a happy ending. If you haven't watched Koizora, I highly recommend picking up the drama or movie and why not both? Have your tissue box ready, you'll need it!

sister and a mother. I flew to Bordeaux, France, for Christmas. It was my first time in the city, and choosing to be alone for Christmas seems like an odd choice since my family lives in Strasbourg. It is a significant moment for a family, and we all want to spend it with our loved ones, but I needed time to myself. I haven't been myself since moving to London, and I have some important decisions to make for 2026.

It seems like an excuse for choosing to be alone for Christmas when I have children, but these decisions will also have an impact on their lives. My daughters were very young when I broke up with their dad, the youngest being only three years old at the time. I raised them on my own until 2024, when their dad finally took over, as I was burned out. My life as a single mum abroad wasn't easy, and it left me physically and mentally exhausted.

It wasn't easy to let my daughters go, but I needed a break, and I've been feeling lonely ever since. I didn't spend Christmas with them in 2024 because they had moved in with their dad in August, and I wanted them to have their first Christmas together regardless of how I felt. I moved to London this year, and I've been the one to visit because I live in a shared house and don't have enough space to have them over. Most people were excited for Christmas, but it reminded me that I wouldn't be with my daughters this year as well.

Breaking The Christmas Tree Tradition

I started putting up a Christmas Tree in the house every year since becoming a mum for the first time in 2011. It became a happy and fun yearly tradition, and my daughters always looked forward to that time of the year. My youngest loves Christmas so much that she even watches Christmas movies in the summer. I still put up a Christmas tree in 2024 after they left, since I had them around before Christmas.

And for the first time in fourteen years, there was no house or Christmas tree. I'm living in a tiny room in London, so even if I wanted to keep the tradition going, there isn't enough space for the tree. What hurt the most was being unable to have the girls over; they still haven't seen my place in London. I usually visit them two to three times a month and saw them a week before Christmas. I even ordered their presents online to be shipped to their dad's house!

It wouldn't be fun to spend Christmas in a hotel room if I asked them to come to London. I also didn't want to go to my sister's house for Christmas and impose myself on her family when I couldn't be with my daughters. Christmas at my mother's house wasn't an option because she's overbearing and will constantly ask me why I'm still not married. I was feeling depressed after visiting my daughter, and thought it was best to go on a trip.

Being Alone For Christmas To Find Myself

Life in London has been fun, and I've grown so much as a person since moving here, but I've already decided that this isn't the place for me. I'm not a big city person and will never get used to life in London, so I started travelling all over the country to see if I could find a town to call my new "home". I have been travelling a lot in the last couple of months, mostly to visit cities or attend job interviews (vlogs are on my YouTube Channel).

I've been in London for over six months now, and I'm still struggling to find my place in this city. I don't recognise myself anymore, it's like I'm becoming a different person, and I don't like it. I decided to move after visiting a beautiful and historic city near London. I went on a day trip and fell in love with the city. This festive season reaffirmed my decision, as I want to spend more time with my daughters, or even have them back, and it won't be possible as long as I stay in London.

I'm planning another big change in the next few months, which is why I needed time to myself and chose to spend Christmas alone so I can think things through. I have to find myself if I want things to work out the way I want them to within the time I gave myself. I know from experience that change is never easy, and I have to be mentally and physically prepared. I chose to visit Bordeaux for Christmas, a city where I have no family and don't know anyone, to focus on myself and think of where I want to be by the end of 2026!

A Moment Of Happiness And Reflection

As a Christian, a Catholic to be exact, I'm embarrassed to say that I've been questioning my faith and considering converting to Buddhism, which I had an interest in as a teenager. I haven't been to church for a couple of years, and I used to pray at home, but stopped recently. It's so hard to be a Christian these days, and my faith is weakening. So I didn't attend mass on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

I went sightseeing during the day, watched TV shows throughout the night and didn't wake up until 12 in the afternoon on Christmas Day. I was alone, depressed in a hotel room and questioning my life choices when my daughters and the rest of my family called to wish me a Merry Christmas. Talking to my family reminded me that it was my choice to be alone for Christmas, but it didn't mean I had to be lonely.

I don't mind being on my own and enjoy my own company, but it doesn't feel the same since moving to London. I've grown a lot as a person, and trying to adapt to my new life has taught me some good and hard lessons, but this isn't where I want to be a year from now. Christmas isn't just a time for joy and happiness; it's also a time to reflect on your life. A time to think of where you came from, where you are and where you want to be next. After spending a few days alone in Bordeaux over Christmas, I now know exactly where I want to be for Christmas next year...