Dreams Of Romance

"He pulled her closer and held her tight in his arms.

She caught her breath, then whispered, Let go, please!. 

He looked into her eyes and said. You're mine.

I don't belong to anyone, and you already have a fiancée. She looked away and continued, I don't like sharing a man with another woman. I'd rather have him all to myself, so let go now!

Is that so? he replied with a faint smile. You and I are meant to be; you will fall for me, and nothing else will matter then..."

This is one of the few scenarios that came to mind when I was thinking about a short story I want to write. I love books and have been reading novels since primary school. Although I prefer crime/thriller, I do enjoy romance and fantasy novels every now and then. I was first introduced to historical romance novels by my mother, who loved Barbara Cartland Regency love stories.

At an age when girls become curious about love, I read up to 5 books a week. They made me romanticise life and fall in love with love stories. Books gave me an escape from the cold reality of my life as a teenager with no friends or a sweetheart. I knew nothing about life and love beyond what I read in books, so I started dreaming of romance and making up scenarios about my first love, moving out of my parents' home, and taking control of my life.

When I was younger, my dream was to become a lawyer and then go on to become a writer, as I believed my experience would be a great source of inspiration. My dad had other plans for me, so I gave up on becoming a lawyer and studied finance instead. I was so frustrated by my parents' decision that I gave up on becoming a writer.

What was I supposed to write about anyway, numbers?! Blogging is the closest thing to writing I have done over the years, and at first it was a way to improve my English, share my experience and relieve stress. Now it is a safe space to write down my thoughts and share my growth journey. 

It also helped me realise that there is no reason for me to give up on becoming a writer just because I'm not a lawyer. I understand that wanting to be a writer doesn't mean I will be a good one. So I've decided to become a self-taught writer and teach myself how to write a novel. It's a good way to find out if I'm good at it before committing myself to going back to university to get a degree.

I started making up scenarios about my first love when I was 14. As I mentioned, I couldn't date at the time and still had a few years to wait, so it felt normal to rehearse for when the time finally comes. At first, I pictured myself as the female lead in the novel, and I felt like I was living the greatest love story of my life. So the scenarios were basically just me replacing the character in the book; although it was fun for a while, I grew tired of it.

I started yearning for a story with my own emotions and feelings, but I knew nothing about love. I only read about it, so I didn't know how it feels to be in love, and that's when I started making up scenarios of my first love. I had a scenario in my head for every moment. I thought of how we would meet, our first date, my first kiss and finally my first time.

The scenarios changed every day, depending on my mood. It was around that time that I became interested in shoujo manga. I watched a few shoujo anime; Legend of Light (Hikari no Densetsu) and Attack No. 1(Atakku No. 1) inspired me to get into sports, but I mostly watched shonen anime. So when I picked up Basara by Yumi Tamura, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. This manga introduced me to the enemies-to-lovers genre, and my life hasn't been the same since.

I even wrote a love story for one of my cousins and a classmate who had a crush on him in high school. I came up with it after watching them interact, and I still remember my classmate blushing when I read it to her. My classmates loved it and started asking to write stories; they said they loved my storytelling. They weren't the only ones; my literature teacher agreed since I was his best student.

Reading helped me disconnect from reality and develop a vivid imagination; however, I constantly made up scenarios in my head and tend to daydream a lot. When I was a teenager, my mother would walk into my room when I was deep in thought and say: Your future husband will be a lucky man, since you love sleeping so much. You'll already be in bed every time he gets home from work. I didn't understand what she meant at the time, but yeah, I still spend most of my time in my bedroom!

Although I'm no longer the naive and delusional girl I used to be, I'm still a hopeless romantic, which is why romance novels will always have a special place in my heart. And the short story I'm working on is a romantic one. This is a pretty interesting choice for someone who hasn't been in love for ages and claims to love mystery novels.

Romance novels might be exciting and comforting, but they aren't as alluring and stimulating as the thrill of solving a puzzle. I find it exhausting to understand emotions; I don't have the patience for it and usually end up being stressed. It's far more interesting for me to explore the human mind, and there is nothing like a mystery novel to sharpen your logic.  

La Brute ( The Brute) by Guy Des Cars is the first novel I ever read. It sparked my interest in human psychology and moral complexity; its gripping plot kept me on edge and gave me my first thrill of solving a puzzle and uncovering the truth. Right now I'm more interested in solving a mystery rather than writing one, which is why I'm choosing to write a romantic short story.

Also, I shouldn't assume that I'm capable of writing a good mystery just because I've been reading them since childhood. It takes a certain degree of "deception" to write a mystery, and I prefer to solve them because I'm somewhat of a "truth seeker". So I don't think I can write a mystery, but I won't know until I give it a try. And maybe I will one day!

I believe writing a romantic story will help me understand and feel my own feelings, as I haven't been able to express them openly for years. It will be difficult for me to connect with people and form a strong bond with anyone if I can't even connect with myself. Lastly, I'm challenging myself to see if a mystery lover can write a romance that resonates with people.

Actually, I wanted to write erotic stories, but I haven't been intimate with anyone for a long time, and it won't do me any good to end up sexually frustrated by my own stories. My first story is about a woman who finds love during a trip of a lifetime. I'm excited to write this story, and I've been reading a lot lately to improve my English and enrich my vocabulary. The story will be in English, and since it isn't my first language, it might take some time to finish. I will let you know once it's done.