A Feeling Called Loneliness

When people ask me why I moved to London, I usually say " I was feeling stuck and needed to start over". But the truth is my life felt empty after my daughters started living with their dad.

I was a working single mum until last year, when my daughters aged 11 and 14 went to live with their dad for the first time since we broke up. Life wasn't easy for me raising two children on my own in a foreign country and I was looking forward to the day the kids will leave home for university.

Starting Over In A New Country

I moved to North England with my daughters who were still young at the time after my relationship with their dad fell apart. I needed a reset and I thought making a life for myself and my daughters in a new country was just what I needed.

I can't say that I regret my decision to move abroad but the last few years were hard, I had to find a place to live, learn the language and find a job while looking after two children under 7 who were now living away from their dad.

I was so focused on doing the right thing for myself and my daughters, I didn't allow myself to be selfish and make mistakes. My life was just about work and parenting. I had no friends or family to rely on and my daughters were all I had.

When You Have No One To Rely On

Nothing mattered to me more than their happiness, I did my best to provide for them and be there when they needed me. But there's so much a single parent can do especially when you don't take the time to relax and live your own life.

After a few years of going above and beyond for my daughters, I finally burned out and my ex stepped in to take the kids so I could breathe. I was bitter at first because he waited until the oldest was in high school to offer his help but I really needed a break so I agreed.

They've been living with their dad since August last year. I was relieved and looking forward to finally living my life. I may be in my 40s but there's still so much I want to do and places I'd love to visit so I was glad to be a childless mum.

The House Became Too Quiet

After a month, loneliness kicked in. It was depressing for me to come back to an empty house after a long day at work. I spent my days off in bed even though I had plans to go out and have fun. I was on my own for the first time since becoming a mum and even spent Christmas alone.

"The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself."

                                                                                                     Michel de Montaigne

I couldn't go on with my life living in a house filled with happy memories and bad moments spent with my daughters like nothing happened so I dropped everything and moved to London.

I'm still lonely here but it's a different type of loneliness…